April 19, 2012

a question of faith

i would like to foreword this by shortly giving the root of this entry.
i belong to this group/s in Facebook whereas we discuss a lot of topics, general or specific, of any fields and subjects. it so happened that some, if not all, members there are atheists. this group of people, i must say, is very intelligent and excels much in the field of logic, philosophy and reasoning.
no, it’s not what you’re thinking… honestly, i was just there to learn and widen my understanding on some things, and prolly to enlighten myself to things which appear absurd to me.

i have no problems with them personally, nor their being atheists or whatsoever.
in fact, some of them i have already categorized to my ‘on-line’ set of friends.
then and now, i have witnessed a lot of bloody discussions between atheists and theists and one thing i noticed is that it all boils down to FAITH
believe what you believe in, believe to your belief and hold on to it.
this, i personally agree. no context from, nor any religions could save/jeopardize you, but faith alone.

sometimes, i feel a prick of shame because never had i put my own personal stance, nor just help my fellow theists in defending our side.
i must admit that in 24 years of believing in God’s existence, i still lack the knowledge study-wise to enter a formal debate. all i have with me is experience that somehow, one way or another, a divine force out there in the universe have something to do with my, our, existence.

at the end of the day, it’s just between me and God (in case of existence), and not between me and men (in case of non-existence).

i decided to put my own personal stance here in my blog, that at the very least i know, no one will persecute me (since never did i persecute a non-believer) and because it’s my personal page and every one indeed is to each his own.

i carefully chose words not to stir up any violent reactions in case some non-believers would happen to come across this.

sa huli, ang lahat ng bagay ay babagsak sa dalawang kahihinatnan.
in the end, all things will fall into two possibilities.

sa araw ng aking kamatayan, kung totoong wala ngang Diyos,
walang kaso sa akin...walang epekto...
at the time of my death, if God doesn't actually exist,
there's no more worth to me... no effect at all...

maaaring manghinayang ako sa lahat ng mga pagod at sakripisyo ko
i might regret all the energies and sacrifices i have done

maaaring isipin kong sayang lamang ang lahat ng panahon at papuring ginugol ko
i might feel sorry for all the times and worships i have wasted

yun ay kung talagang marami akong sakripisyo at panahon na ginugol sa Kanya.
that is, if i really have lots of time and sacrifices offered to Him.

pero sa kaso ko, na isang makasalanan, nabibilang lamang ang lahat ng iyon.
but in my case, a sinner, those are just few and counted.

kaya naman pag nagkataong walang Diyos,
walang huhusga sa aking kamangmangan at kaululan dahil sa paniniwala ko sa pagkakaroon nito.
if there's no God, no One will  castigate me for my foolishness and hypocrisy believing in such existence.

higit sa lahat, walang huhusga sa aking mga kasalanan...
most of all, no One will judge me according to sins...

ngayon, kung totoong may Diyos, maluwag kong tatanggapin ang anumang kaparusahan sapagkat alam kong hindi ako naging mabuting tao.
however, if God does actually exists, i will wholeheartedly accept whatever punishment i deserve for i know i haven't been a good man.

sa tingin ko ay mas madali ko yung matatanggap kaysa
makadama ako ng labis-labis na kahihiyan sa sarili at sa Kanya,
dahil sa pagtatwa ko sa mismong lumikha sa akin.
it'll be easy for me to bear that feeling than to be in so much shame for myself denying my very Creator.

sa araw ng paghaharap namin, wala akong anumang pagsisisi at panghihinayang dulot ng aking mga pagdududa at labis na pagmamarunong...
when i get to face Him, i will not feel any regret and disappointment caused by my doubts and conceited intellect...


April 19, 2012 hospital

1 comment:

  1. Faith is a talent that you share and replicate. Good luck. God bless you.

    And yes, isa akong kasama. Mabuhay!