July 19, 2017

Epistle To My Future

postscript of Epistle To A Past

i hope you’re doing well when this letter reaches you.
please do not prolong our absence cause it makes everything hard for me.
i hope when we meet, cupid would be there so you can easily recognize and accept the fact that we are the one that’s meant to be.
truth is, i don’t have all the time in the world hence i wouldn’t be wasting anytime without you by my side.
i will love you with all my heart and i will take care of you.
i will do everything i can to make you happy.
i may be lacking some qualities you’re wanting for, but i’ll make sure you’ll always be proud of me.
i will be the strong legs that will support and protect your plans and goals whether i’m part of it or otherwise… 

January 6, 2017

Mala Amore

i thought you were exactly the same person i used to love back in the days.
i probably confused the line between the nostalgia of loving you and cavity of missing you.
unsure and insecure i take pleasure in the middle of the two.
i neglect to cavil and regret on things which i might have done or otherwise.

so then i try to rescue the burning house.
endure the pain of a dying hot romance.
but things have slowly taking form.
while i believe that it does not hurt, for a moment in my life i asked the taste of death.
i felt torture within the crevices of my heart.

but we are prepared for this.
and we knew we would come to this.
the only thing that keeps you holding onto me is fear.
fear that one day when i stop loving you, i will finally realize how terrible person you are.
exact words you said to me.

be that as it may i still have a space for two.
one reserved for me and the other one for you.
instead of letting strangers rent, i am willing to let you in anytime you wanted to.


January 5, 2017  Paco Manila

September 25, 2016

Epistle To A Past

i hope you can forgive me. it's been more than a year and i know it would take few more years for you to forgive me, or me to forgive myself.
it could even take a lifetime, God forbid.

no one knows how it feels to be troubled by your conscience each and every day of your life.
that because of a selfish love, i almost killed the man i so much loved.

you hold an irreparable hole in my heart.
nobody would ever want to be in my place. i guess no one else will.


September 25, 2016  hospital

March 8, 2016


every 8th of March, we celebrate the International Women's Day.
this year's theme is #PledgeForParity

i couldn't say more since everything you want to know about the theme is already here.
well actually i could. but the laziness is strongly possessing my being at the moment.
i ask for your forgiveness. you know i can do better than this (charot!)

nevertheless, i would like to dedicate this very short post (the shortest i guess), to all the women of my life, gals and gays.

know your worth, speak up and always be involved.
i'm writing this with kisses and hugs...


March 8, 2016  hospital

February 29, 2016

A Short Escape

so i’ve been away for almost a week for a short vacay (yes, i had an early vacation) in Tumauini,Isabela.
actually, sabit lang naman ako dun ng friend ko. Isabela kasi ang province niya at nagkataon na pyesta sa bayan nila ng Feb. 24 kaya isinama ako.
ang bilis ko yayain noh? easy to get kasi ako eh. charot.
and since 25 falls a holiday, might as well spend the rest of the days there till Sunday.
sinulit na namin kumbaga.
however, we no longer decided to visit nearby provinces since baka kulangin ng oras (at salapi).
kasi naman it’s not really a planned vacation trip. we visited his family and relatives there.
well technically, wala naman masyadong ganap dun. wala naman masyado makikita sa Isabela. not a tourist destination kumbaga.
so, wag mag expect ng maraming pictures dahil hindi ito travel vacation post. hehe
saka hindi din ako nagpipi-picture dun other than few selfies.
hindi rin kami maka aura dahil puro elders ang kasama namin sa bahay. haha

dun kami nakituloy sa mga tyahin niya at sila ang nagpakain sa amin during our entire stay.
ang malas nga lang sa limang araw na pananatili namin dun, halos 3 araw din ang pag-ulan!
may balat yata ako somewhere.

Ilocano ang dialect nila. yung kaibigan ko marunong mag Ilocano kasi dun siya lumaki.
pag naguusap usap sila, nakatanga lang ako or minsan pretentious na nakatingin sa malayo since hindi ko sila maintindihan. hahaha
pag nakakaramdam sila na nakatingin lang ako, nagsasalita sila ng tagalog para maunawaan ko.

ang galing din siguro pag may alam kang dialect kahit isa man lang. ako kasi lumaki na ko sa Maynila. bikolana ang mother ko at tagalog naman ang father ko.
hindi naman ako marunong mag bikolano. sa bahay kasi tagalog na magsalita si mama ever since kaya hindi na din ako natuto.

ok naman ang experience. it’s a breath of fresh air. literally and figuratively.
nakalayo ng ilang araw sa trabaho at sa maingay na NCR.
sa mga tao naman, i can say na mababait at very hospitable talaga ang mga Ilocano. hindi lang dahil sa bisita ako ng friend ko.
pati na din ang mga tao na nakasaluha dun ko in general.
i guess ganun talaga sila kasi i’ve experience the same treatment when i went to Ilocos way back.
paborito ko ang dinengdeng nila at dinakdakan.

                                                                 (c) google image - dinakdakan                                        (c) google image - dinengdeng

sympre, pati na rin ang mga Ilocano. hahaha

seriously, i love their complexion. ang lakas lang maka lalake. may sex appeal sakin. hahaha
gusto ko kasi yung very pinoy na kulay. tipong kayumanggi talaga.
Borgy Manotoc say for sample.

(c) google image

anyways, that's enough! nabubusog na ko. puro ulam na nakikita ko.
ang sarap lang umuwi sa probinsya. minsan nga iniisip ko pag tumanda ako mag sesettle nalang ako sa province.
nakakamiss din ang simplicity ng probinsya.
typical province lifestyle na siesta at konting tagay sa gabi sa bakuran ng bahay.
yun na ang pinaka nightlife namin dun. hahaha
pero pag naiisip ko yung bagal ng takbo at kapayakan ng buhay, nakakabore din naman. hahaha
inisip ko nga  siguro pag nagtagal pa kami, dun na mag si-sink in ang boredom sakin.
but i think it’s a matter of adjustment.

so heto, balik na uli ng Manila.

pagdamutan nyo na itong selfies ko. actually marami pa yan pero baka maumay kayo sa puro muka ko :-D

my friend. one of my confidant way back college days.
been barkada for 11 years now.
thanks for having me in Isabela, Lon :-)

so that's it!
yun lang... :-)


February 29, 2016  hospital

February 17, 2016

Glitches and Guts

yesterday’s not a good day. mainit ulo ko sa technical difficulties na pinagdaanan ni Adele sa katatapos lang na Grammys. but in the spirit of objectivity, i admit that for me, it wasn’t all about the mic the fell into the piano that made her sounded off-tune and flat. medyo may konting “tsismis” sa ilang nota sa huli.
i don’t know if it is emotional-induced tone or talagang guttural something na nahirapan siya.
anyways, panuorin nyo nalang dito if you like.

at habang hindi pa ko nakakamove on sa performance na yun, nakita ko sa Twitter ang Manny Pacquiao sa Philippines Trend. nacurious ako so i followed the retweets and conversation. and.... shala!

actually, nung napanuod ko ito, sa maniwala kayo o hindi natawa ako. like literally hahaha ganyan.
ewan ko. hindi naman ako nagalit or whatever.
although yes, it’s no doubt hitting below the belt.

yung iba jinujustify pa na kexot he did not compare LGBT people to animals. mas masahol pa daw. or yung same-sex marriage daw ang mas masahol at hindi yung LGBT.

the fuck is the logic? the choice of words are there and semantics tells us all.
isn’t “mas” “higit” (more, much) a comparative degree to some sort of?

the "acts" is what make us gay.
then how can you say you only condemn the "acts" and not the "gay"?
isn't that a double-standard?

ang inisip ko, magsosorry siya at ireretract niya soon ang sinabi niya.
true enough, he apologized after he was bombarded by criticisms.
i understand. we all make mistakes. to err is human to forgive is divine.
he probably is so passionate about living in a Christian life that when ask something about an issue which is against his virtue thus, his opinion came out.
well, everyone is entitled to express his opinion. nagkataon na public figure si Manny kaya sana naging careful siya sa pagbibitaw ng opinion.
any elected officials should know this by heart. you should not give opinion based on your own preference and belief. secularism, the Constitution has it.

totoo naman. Manny on the lighter side is admirable to have the balls to express his point of view and stand by his principles. but not in a degrading way.
and let’s face it people. Manny needs all the votes he could possibly get.
sa mundo ng politika, napakahalaga ang maging safe. i’m not saying na talikuran ang pinaniniwalaan mo, but rather, be on the “safe side” so that no one will get hurt and offended.
i felt sorry for Manny. i feel like he was misguided and misinformed about the issue on same-sex marriage. i mean the very basic issue.

si Manny napalampas ko. pero yung ibang mga nasa friendlist ko sa facebook na mega post din ng opinion na kexot tama lang daw yung sinabi ni Manny, blah blah blah, etc, etc.
yung isa nag post pa ng napakahaba. yung bang pang press release na akala mo public figure din siya na naghihintay ang madla ng sasabihin niya about sa isyu. may pagtataray at disclaimer. at ang effort ng pagkaka compose. papunta na sa decree ganyan.
nakakaloka! ang daming likes!
dun ako nairita sa likes. chos!

so ako naman, bilang kasapi ng LGBT, i cannot allow pass the issue without answering her in a subtle way.
hindi dahil nainggit lang ako sa dami ng likes niya ha! hahaha
i mean, kailangan marinig din ang side namin. and for everyone's awareness nadin.
but instead of commenting to her post, nagpost nalang ako ng sa akin.

and here’s what i said.

"when someone injects "religion" and "belief" in a simply supposedly civil matters, that starts the problem. grow up people.
the world is not own by Christianity alone. no religion could ever claim it. not in this lifetime."

the last time i check, the LGBT community is fighting for their right to union under the STATE and not under the CHURCH.
never did i recall we ask permission to the latter. or pardon me, has anything changed since then?
i'm sorry, i wasn't informed.
at any rate,given the rationalization presented in the first statement, it simply means union governed by STATUTES and not by the holy matrimony of the Church.
i surmise people are well-educated. google can testify that no individual on earth is a fool as long as he has a decent internet connection.
need i further explain the separation concept between the two?

sorry for jumping in the bandwagon. i'm not the type of netizen who frequent opinions on facebook.
while i respect variances in opinions, the real issue must be pointed out.
bigotry and ignorance is a sickness. don't get infected.

so there.

i felt a sigh of relief when i got likes.
at least, i know may nakaintindi kahit hindi ganun karami.  ang importante, may nakaunawa.


February 17, 2016  hospital

February 15, 2016

Cold, Please

hello beautiful people!
how’s your Valentine’s Day? how did you celebrate it?
share nyo naman! para mainggit kami. haha
ako wala.  nganga.  nag grocery lang, nag pa haircut.
and the history is rest..  literally.  natulog lang at nagpahinga.

but me and one of my girl bffs met last Saturday, 13.
she invited me and ako naman wala naman akong sched so we met after ng duty ko.
we had coffee chat at Trinoma, SB. we are frequenters there. dun kami madalas tumambay at mag catch-up sa mga ganap sa mga buhay namin.
gabi nadin kami nagkita. past 8pm na yata yun. nag dinner muna then punta na sa SB.
grabe ang dami ng tao that time. akala ko nga may pre-valentine concert sa dami ng lovers at mga mag ge geb(group-eye-ball) na mga kabataan. kanya kanyang paandar.
kanya kanyang pormahan.

nagtataka ako bakit tinitignan ako nung iba. sabi ko tuloy sa bff ko,

"bff icheck mo nga likod ko."

sabi niya.

"eh kasi baka may nakalagay na “pokpok”.  lahat kasi sila nakatingin sakin."

thank God wala naman daw. narealized ko na baka sila nakatingin dahil siguro sa suot ko.
may tatak kasi ng company yung shirt ko which is familiar around that area.
dala ko nga pala yung name ng company so bawal mag landi landi.

anyways, napakarami din ng tao sa SB. we have to lurk and wait for a vacant table.
grabe din sa haba ng line. buti nalang mabibilis talaga kumilos ang mga barista. halos matuyo na lalamunan ko sa uhaw. so pagkabigay ng kape namin nanghingi ako ng tubig.
sabi nung staff,

"cold po sir?"

sabi ko,
"yes, please. cold. yung kasing lamig ng mga gabi ko."

naloka si ate. natawa siya. buti hindi niya sinaboy yung cold water sakin para nagka hypothermia na ko sa lamig.

so ayun na. kwentuhan lang…  mga bagay bagay at buhay buhay.
i told her that i’m trying to go out and date.
nagulat siya kasi nakikipag date na pala ako. akala daw niya hindi pa ko nakakapag move on.
lalo siyang nagulat nung sinabi ko na naka tatlong paunlak na yata ako.
spell paunlak talaga noh? as in ako talaga yung niyaya ganyan.
pero saka ko nalang isusulat yun. not this time. or maybe hindi na.  ;-)

well, she’s happy naman for me. actually, all of them want me to go out and entertain a date.
they wanted me to be happy and enjoy myself for they know what i’ve been through.
i keep that as my note to self.

at sa tagal ng usapan namin, dun na kami inabutan ng Valentine’s Day.
past 12 midnight na kami umalis sa mall.
may lakad pa din kasi mamaya ang isang yun. mag cecelebrate pa sila ng partner niya.
hiniram ko lang ang ilang minuto sa 24 hours ng Valentine’s Day na may kasama.
the rest i have to spend alone.. with cold water. hahaha

sorry. i have no permission from her to post her face.
but she's pretty. hahaha

ayun lang.. :-)


February 15, 2016  hospital

February 10, 2016

Valentine Struggle

advance happy Valentine's Day sa mga may partners!
you have all the reasons to celebrate the joy and love you and your partner is reaping.
cherish every moment for we never know kung hanggang kailan kayo (chos lang!)

sa mga single naman happy #SAD (Single Awareness Day) satin!
wag bitter, ok?
let’s be happy for the single-blessedness that we are enjoying.
24 hours lang naman ang Valentine's Day kaya parausin na natin ng walang anumang bigat sa puso. haha
at one point in time we’ve been in love, or at least we know the happiness it brings so let’s just be happy for those in love :-)
pero kung hindi talaga kaya, magkulong nalang sa kwarto at ng di na masaktan sa mga makikitang magka holding hands at magka couple shirts sa labas.
expected na yan lalo na nag fall ng weekend ang 14 so marami talaga ang makakapag celebrate.

this will be the first time i’ll be celebrating the Valentines without a partner since the September broke-up.
inasmuch as i would like to spend it with my close friends and bestfriends (yes marami sila), most of them are in a relationship at the moment.
so ako naman ayokong mag mukang chaperone sa dates nila.
hindi ko kaya shet! hahaha
can’t imagine the FOREVER ALONE feeling.
may pupunta ng Tagaytay, may Baguio, may magsi-Singapore at kung saan saan pa. bongga ang mga friends ko sa Valentines eh! mga out-of-town ang peg.
pero pinakamalala yung Singapore. hindi ko kinaya!
magsesex lang naman ang lalayo pa pwede naman sa Victoria!
chos! hahaha

i remember way back ako yung may partner at sila wala. pero hindi ko naman inexpect na babawi sila at sabay sabay pa silang nagkajowa!
jusko Lord, di man lang po kayo nagiwan para may makabonding naman ako. hahaha

heto tuloy ako, ni pagsisimba pinagiisipan ko pa dahil i’m sure puno ang simbahan ng mga couples dahil Linggo ang Valentines.
marami ang hihingi ng basbas sa kanilang pagmamahalan. hahaha

anyways for the meantime, wala pa din akong plan sa Valentines.
i dunno.. maybe i'll just stay at home or if someone invited me, maybe i’ll say yes.
depende sa mood (wow ganda ko choosy pa ko).
there are many reasons to celebrate Valentines even in a non-romantic way.
but of course, how i wish otherwise.

so there.


February 10, 2016  hospital

February 1, 2016

Bread and Butter

this month’s my 7th year in our company. 7 fruitful years.
wow! ang bilis ng oras.
parang kelan lang nung nag apply ako dito. ang bagets ko pa nun. lol
i was vacant for a year after I graduated college.
i finished Office Management.
sobrang hirap maghanap ng trabaho. the competition is very high and the difference between qualified applicant over the other is so slim.

there were plenty of offers way back in Makati and Ortigas but of course, may mga dapat ka din iconsider when getting a job.
salary is essential, benefits next and other things as well.
ako kaya hindi ko matanggap yung offer sa Makati and Ortigas kasi napakalayo from where i live. 
i live in binondo.
hindi sa maarte or choosy pero kasi pagod at oras din ang sayang.
not to mention the heavy traffic during rush hours.
yung 2-3 hours travel everyday (including traffic going to and from) na nasayang which is sana nasa bahay ka na at nagpapahinga.
nakikita ko pa nga lang yung haba ng pila sa mrt or lrt nanlulumo na ko eh.
pila palang yun. paano pa sa loob mismo ng tren siksikan pa.

so what i did was send resume on-line, wait for calls then decide depending on proximity. proximity na hindi naman tipong paglabas ko ng bahay andyan na yung trabaho.
what i mean is kahit may kalayuan, ok lang basta hindi toxic ang byahe at hassle-free.
i also tried call centers but to tell you honestly, hindi ako nakakapasa. hahaha
ewan ko ba. twice yata ako nag attempt tas after nung 2nd failure, nanahimik na ko.
sabi ko baka may nakalaan talaga para sa akin.

and true enough flash forward 7 years, here i am.
working in a private tertiary hospital somewhere in Northern Manila as a Quality Assurance staff.
wayback 2013 was the turning point of my career.
in less than four years, i was appointed as Document Control Custodian.
God bless me, i must have done something good! :)
in ISO language, i oversee the overall operational (non-medical) records and documents of the entire hospital.
yes, it’s done by me and me alone.
dito ako nakaranas na may mawala lang na isang papel hindi na ko makatulog sa gabi kakaisip. hahaha

i was featured way back 2014 Q2 issue of our company magazine.
at tinakpan ko pa daw. nagpapaka private. hahaha

hindi ko nga ineexpect na magtatagal ako dito. yung kasabihan na kung sino yung parating walang bukang bibig kundi “magreresign na ako” sila pa yung kadalasan nagtatagal.
my friends always teased me to leave my company right now for i am not getting any younger and that i should settle for good like working in the government.
i am a civil service passer for both sub-pro and pro level.

well honestly, mas malaki naman talaga ang sahod sa government compared sa trabaho ko ngayon. and the benefits there are huge.
kaso nga lang kasi palakasan system sa gobyerno. kailangan pang may mamatay bago ka makapasok sa plantilla. hahaha
minsan nga formality nalang yung job vacancy na inaannounce nila dahil ang totoo, may mga tao ng naka line up sa mga posisyon na yun.

hindi naman ako entirely after sa salary. yes, importante talaga ang sweldo lalo na kung breadwinner ka. but for me na mama ko at tita ko nalang ang kasama ko sa buhay, a reasonable decent pay would do. hindi rin naman kasi extravagant ang lifestyle ko. ang mas importante sakin, gusto ko ang work at okay ang mga kasama ko sa trabaho. ang hirap kasi magtrabaho pag hindi mo feel ang mga kasama mo.

may perks din naman magtrabaho sa hospital. do i need to elaborate? hahaha
syempre medical assistance. hospitalization and medical services which is extended to family members or dependents.
not to mention, marami din akong natutunan na mga medical information. feeling ko pag nagtagal pa ko dito baka papasa na kong residente. chos!
may lagnatin nga lang sa bahay namin pinakukunan ko na agad ng dugo at kung pwede iconfine na agad. hahaha

this year, my career goal to is to enroll my Master’s Degree.
the hospital has an affiliated University where i can get my Masteral.
that's another perks that my company offers. educational assistance which includes discounts on tuition fees and miscellaneous to course of choice.
i have always plan this for so many times way back pero minsan na se set aside because of other important priorities coming in the way and sometimes nakakatamaran. hehehe
saka pag inlove ako natatanga ko. hahaha
nawawala ako sa wisyo ko. lol

well, will see.
i hope i can make it this time.
wish me luck!


January 30 &  February 01, 2016  hospital