January 30, 2016

Valentine Troll In The Making


ang bilis talaga ng mga araw. February na pala next week at malapit na naman ang Valentine's Day.
and speaking of, unti unti ng nagsusulputan sa newsfeed ko ang mga love quotes, share dito share doon regarding love and dating, and all those sweet stuffs.
at syempre mawawala ba naman ang mga bitter. hahaha

nowadays, mas nauuna ko pang buksan ang Twitter at Blogspot accounts ko kaysa sa Facebook.

maybe nasanay na din ako na hindi gaanong nag e-fb because i deactivated my facebook account for 3 months. nitong January lang ako nagfb ulit prior to my birthday para magpabati. papeymus eh. haha

no seriously, sometimes i feel toxic with facebook.
a lot of negativity spreading, bad vibes, fake people doing fake stuff, etc.
i'm not saying always entirely, but there's no single day you won't be able to notice some stuff that....
you know? irks you a bit.

and just as i thought na baka ako lang ang nakakaramdam ng ganito, i asked my friends what do they think of facebook these days.
they too felt the same way. minsan nga sa Instagram nalang sila. good vibes daw dun, sabi nila.
i dunno. hindi naman kasi ako mahilig mag Ig saka hindi din ako mapicture na tao.

anyways sabi nga, "if you can't run away from it, learn to accept and live with it."
going back, i'm sure most of us have group or groups sa facebook.
sa mga groups hindi nawawala yung mga internet TROLLS.
lagi silang andyan.. nagmamasid.. nagaantay ng tyempo at mabibiktima.. hahaha
nagkalat sila everywhere using fake or pseudo accounts.

in layman's, sila yung mga tinatawag na papansin lang, pang-gulo o makapang-asar lang, nonsense yung mga sinasabi. minsan nakakatawa sila pero madalas nakakainis talaga.
lalo na yung mga professional trollers na tipong below the belt na. matapang sila kasi nga they conceal their identities. 

(c) google image


kaya nga mas mabuting wag silang patulan at hayaan nalang. if you give in and feed them, for sure hindi ka nila titigilan at hahaba lang ng hahaba ang usapan na wala naman paututunguhan.

(c) google image



minsan iniisip ko, anu kayang feeling ng nag tro-trolling? hehehe
i screencaptured some post na related sa Valentines na gustung gusto ko SANA itroll.
but since wala naman akong pseudo account at kung meron man, i don't think i can handle being such one. hahaha
i chose these posts kasi ang sarap patulan at hanga ko sa tibay ng mga taong 'to. hahaha

just for fun ;)

(note: that these are random people from random pages/groups)




* with matching picture of pawis na pawis na katawan *
seductive ang peg. i'm sure may bayad ka nuh?
dami ko ng nakitang ganito eh. hahaha


humans ha? humans? ano ka alien? ewan ko sayo.
magsama kayo nung nasa taas mo!



wow. bilang na bilang mo ha??
shy type ako ee. pwede ako nalang landiin mo? hihihi


ang isang 'to wagas. naku wag mo na kami daanin sa este este moves mo!
sex talaga habol mo kunyari ka pa.



garapalan tayo? maglabas ka din!
share share dapat. hahaha




yes pwede ako! :)
so pag nilike mo comment ko tayo na?
paasa ka!



tseh! tumigil ka! walang forever!!



mura lang ako. pero para sayo libre na.. anu bet?


hanep ayaw paawat. dumidiskarte pa.
kumikitang kabuhayan tayo ah?


oo. linya yan ng mga bitter eh.
hahaha



yun lang.
so papasa na ba ko as newbie troll? pwede na ba?


christiansantamaria

January 30, 2016 hospital

January 26, 2016

Dried Up Tears

an epilogue to Uninvited Monday Blues

***********************************************

i am not mad at you.

at least no longer by now.

i moved on.
maybe not completely, but at least i can say i did.

yes, there are still times i feel like missing you.
i still sneak at your profile wall once in a while.
still wondering what would happen if we're still together.
how happy would that be?

bitter sweet it is.

sometimes, i often ask myself...
did i make the most of loving you?
or i gave too much it overdosed you?

i am not mad at you.

nothing to be at all.

i just feel disappointed because i thought you've changed.
but you resurrected the monster i thought was long dead in you.
same old, same old ways.

is it me? is it because of me?

never hesitate.

the fact i write this post because of you suggests my willingness to still waste my time for you.
if in time we have the chance to meet again, maybe not this time or in the next lifetime,
i am still willing to lay my cards.
love is, afterall, a risk-taking.

send my love to the new lover.

technically not new..

i hope you treat and love him better.
and please, don't cheat over as you did over me.



christiansantamaria

January 26, 2016 hospital

January 18, 2016

Versa Bloggers And Those Random Facts

first, let me clarify that this is a wholesome post contrary to somewhat malice the title induced.
since i was tagged by jep of Korta Bistang Tibobos (uyy plugging, incentive ko ha?) with this 7 random facts ek ek, i am now compelled to keep the ball rolling.
ayoko naman maging reason for breaking this baka sabihin kj ko noh. haha
actually, games and fun stuffs like these began back in the day sa blogosphere.
pero bakit nga ba 7 lang? can’t we make it 8 or 9? who's responsible for this??
chos 


so, let’s start this 7 self random facts. here's my selective list.

1. idolizes Mariah
– kailangan nyo pa ba ng link?? who doesn't know this singahr (in Adele's accent)??
i’m a fan not a fantard. minsan nga gusto kong sampalin yun dahil sa “diva” attitudes.
oh well... she is Mariah Carey, you know.
kundi lang maganda boses nun nako wapakels ako. chos!
tuwang tuwa ako pag nahihirapan siya kumanta ng sarili niyang mga kanta. hahaha
eh kasi naman ang hirap kaya gayahin ng mga riffs and runs. wag na yung whistle di ko talaga magagawa yun.

2. reserved and private
– i ONLY have 197 friends in facebook. 38 of them are restricted (sees only public posts).
so technically, i only have 159 audience to please. di na mahirap yun noh? hahaha
well, i’m not the type of person who randomly adds or accepts friend requests. i barely add people i do not personally know, or at least acquainted with.
i want to keep my circle of friends few but strong and reliable.
well i do love chatting random people or exchanging comments at social platforms. but letting them see your personal space without knowing them first is a no for me.

3. friendly
– gentle term for “flirty”. hahaha
chos lang.
this one might contradict number 2 due to the fact that i have few friends listed.
but don’t get me wrong ha. hindi malungkot ang social life ko, ok? hahaha
i dare if you can ask those few fb friends of mine, they'll tell you that i'm such a famewhore! hahaha
attention-grabber ako eh.  haha
nyways, ayun nga. friendly ako. totoo. oo nga.
yung tipo ng friendly na papalandi na. ganyan.

4. i have white hairs...many!
– my white hairs are testimonies of my wisdom.
 charot!
well, they say that white hair comes with age, and age comes with wisdom.
so i might as well adopt this saying. lol
actually hindi naman nakaka bother. makikita mo lang naman kasi kung titignan mo maigi.
minsan nga gusto ko magpakulay ng puti para hindi halata eh. chos.

5.  underweight
– my weight is not proportion to my height and age. 29 na ako, 5’6 pero yung timbang ko pang featherweight lang…literally feather. hahaha
btw, underweight is different from undernourished. and it's not only height and age but the body type and diet are also factors to consider. anyways, here's a chart for your reference.

6. former student activist
– this was way back college days in PUP. there i became a member of a political organization.
political po ha, not gender oriented.
well technically, i'm just locally based. bale sa loob lang ng school ang mga duties and responsibilities ko sa org, and very seldom that i go out to streets and hear my lungs out with other fellow brothers. before graduation, due to the toxic matters that i have to attend to in order to graduate, naging inactive ako.
but i believe activism should not stop. you don't have to be a hardcore street rallyist.
matuto tayong makialam at magmasid sa mga bagay bagay at gumawa ng dapat kung kinakailangan. keep your principles firm and fair. activism at heart.

and lastly,


7. GAY
– ay 7 random FACTS pala kala ko random FUCKS, sorry. hahaha
sounds-like kasi pasensya na.
anu ba yan sinayang ko lang yung huling number na ‘to!
aksaya lang ng space. hahaha


the bloggers i have listed below are the ones who often visit my blog and exchange comments with.

while the others were bloggers i really miss so much.
as you may know, i was away for nearly three years and when i came back, matatagal na din yung mga last posts nila. they've been inactive na din as well for quite some time.
in no particular order of beauty, here are they.

  1. Mga Chika ni AnonymousBeki
  2. KORTA BISTANG TIBOBOS (gusto ulit kita itag bakit ba?!?. sha sige mag post ka ulit ng another 7 random facts. hahaha)
  3. Elay's escapades
  4. It started out with a text
  5. Kwentong Iskwater
  6. Ako si MEcoy and Iam MEcoy (same owner so i count it as one)
  7. Tripster Guy
  8. Kulapitot Blog
  9. Cacoethes Scribendi
  10. aboutambot
  11. Sa aking Gunita
  12. DiscreetlyAnthon...
  13. the mediocre life of juan
and lastly, these two who used to be my frequent visitors and commenters way back.
i can't seem to find their blog pages as well hence the blank profile links. whatever happened to them?
i hope they're doing well out there.

14. T.R.Aurelius
15. KikomaxXx 

there you go.


christiansantamaria

January 18, 2016 hospital

January 14, 2016

29

29.


no, it's not the sequel to Adele's 25.

another anniversary to live is a gift to be thankful for.
my birthdate is the only history i never forget, and my age is the only math i never lose count.
and oh, i’m a Capricorn by Western and Tiger by Chinese.
i’m an Earth sign, Garnet’s my birthstone and Saturn’s my ruling planet.
so go na! check mo na compatibility chart natin!
chos.

although the last quarter of my 2015 was not good, i can still say i’m humbly blessed.
i feel that God has been too subjective to be too kind to me that i left no space in my heart for complaining.

my romantic chapter has ended, my mother got hospitalized, and then it was me a month after.

nevertheless, life is worth sailing with friends and family you really love onboard.
they make the strong winds and huge waves much easier to cross.

the only aging concern i have to face yearly are the people who keep asking the when-about of my marriage. i don’t even have a partner for God’s sake.

but yes, MARRIAGE it is.

not all people underwent gender-awareness orientation and some are just really good in playing-dead. tanga-tangahan lang sa gender ko.
mula sa mama ko, sa mga tito, tita, mga pinsan, mga katrabaho sa opisina, pati nga mga kapit-bahay namin inaabangan ang pag-aasawa ko.
seriously, do you know i have to prepare and change my spiel every now and then para lang may maisagot sa tanung na yan nila??
panu ba naman yearly dinidiscuss to sa mga family gathering namin.
hiyang hiya naman kasi ako sa kanila baka magsawa sila sa paulit-ulit na sagot eh!

minsan nga gusto ko mag trip. naiisip kong umattend sa family event or pumasok sa trabaho ng naka blouse para lang makuha nila na hindi ako straight eh!
mas wholesome naman yun kesa maguwi ako ng lalake sa bahay diba? haha

hindi naman ako straight-acting or pamintang-“insert whatever type”.
i guess kung well-functioning ang gay radar mo, pansin naman agad sa kilos ko at pananalita.
pero ewan ko ba.

minsan nga biniro ko yung bestfriend ko na ganito rin ang dilemma. bukod kasi sa pagiging lesbian eh wala na kasi yun sa kalendaryo.
told her

“pagdating ng 40 at nagkataon na single tayo tapos hopeful pa din sila, tayo nalang magpakasal?”
hahaha

probably, i think i should give them a checklist in "qualities-in-looking-a-marrying-type”, shouldn’t i?
i do consider parenthood someday.
but marriage? uhm… to a girl? or a to a guy? hahaha

well, decision is a weather and chameleon.
will cross the bridge when i get there.
for now, cheers!

p.s
duty pa din ako at ngatratrabaho kahit birthday.
panu ba naman. dalawa lang kami dito sa office nag leave pa yung kasama ko.
tapos pati yung dalawang boss namin may out of the country trip.
eh alangan naman walang tao na maiiwan sa opisina?
so ako nalang mag sa sacrifice.
eh wala sila may birthday eh! hiyang hiya naman ako sa kanila! hahaha
napaaga tuloy ang blowout ko sa kanila nung tuesday.
anyways, since ako lang magisa ngayon, i wish may pumunta dito at magregalo ng birthday sex.
chos!

so there.


christiansantamaria

January 12-14, 2016 hospital

January 11, 2016

Uninvited Monday Blues

and then i accidentally see your profile.





ok! ok fine!



"intentionally" !





and then i intentionally see your profile.




past several months now.
but ever since that painful night, you haven’t changed your cover photo.
it was me who took that shot.
it was during our anniversary.
i even have a copy of that for it was my phone i used to capture it.


the blue beach background,
the reflecting sun rays,
the smile in your face,
the happy eyes...

that happy moment of us together.
that very moment.


and then i suddenly miss you.




i guess i still care.




christiansantamaria


January 11, 2016 hospital

January 9, 2016

Viva Senor Nazareno!

Viva Jesus Nazareno!

Minor Basilica of the Black Nazarene or most of us know as Quiapo Church is a very special church for me. i remember the times when me and my college friends always make it up to attend First Friday Mass. but i really can’t call myself a devotee. believer is more appreciated description. kahit ngaun na may kanya kanya na kaming trabaho at may kanya kanya na kaming mga buhay, kahit ako nalang minsan mag-isa, i still make it appoint to go here. it’s not really a “panata” but nakasanayan ko na talaga na mag simba dito every First Friday of the month.

minsan na nga lang sa isang buwan ipagkakait ko pa ba ang oras ko sa Kanya?
i admit i’m not really a dutiful Sunday church-goer. bilang lang ang mga Linggo na nakakapagsimba ako.
hey! before you crucify me, this is a reminder

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7.

hahaha
galawang excuse ang peg!

no, seriously, i know i have a lot of shortcomings when we talk about Christian responsibilities. And God has been so kind all the time in spite of these.  all the blessings and the fact that i’m still breathing and writing this post is a testament of His love and understanding.
that’s why i said to myself that i’ll make it appoint to go to church at least every First Friday man lang to hear the Good News.

my mom has a nice story about it. sabi niya sakin, sa Baclaran Church daw, mabilis makarating sa altar yung mga nagdadasal ng nakaluhod kahit na mahaba yung simbahan. samantalang sa Quiapo daw, kahit maiksi lang papunta sa altar, napakatagal daw bago makarating at talagang hirap daw ang tuhod sa pagluhod. sabi niya ang paliwanag daw dun ng mga matatanda ay dahil sobrang maawaain at mapagbigay ang Ina. si Nazareno naman daw, gustong patunayan at makita ang sinseridad kaya pinadadaan ang tao sa pagsubok. well, those were just good old stories.

i had a classmate way back in college whom i had a conversation regarding such topic.

he: “hindi naman kailangan magpunta parati sa simbahan para lang marinig ka ng Diyos. kahit nasa bahay ka lang o kahit nasan ka basta magdasal ka lang ng mataimtim, okay na yun. maririning ka na.”

he has a point. talaga naman kahit nasan ka basta magdasal ka lang ng taimtim at taus-puso maririnig ka talaga niya. so in response,

me: “alam ko naman yun. ang sinasabi ko lang, bakit ba itinayo ang mga simbahan na yan? Syempre para puntahan ng tao. para mas lalo silang mapalapit sa Diyos. kung lahat ng tao eh mag dadasal nalang sa mga bahay nila, anu pang silbi ng simbahan? tahanan yan ng Diyos. hindi ba mas ok humingi ng tawad o humiling ng biyaya kapag personal mong pinuntahan sa tahanan Niya mismo? kaya puntahan nyo naman diba?” 

anyways, that’s it! :)

i hope this year’s procession will be safe. hindi maiiwasan ang may masaktan sa event na ito dahil sa dami ng mga deboto but hopefully, wala naman sanang casualty.

sabi dito ng isang ka work mate ko, “sir di ka pupunta sa Quiapo ngayon?”

and i told her, nakapagsimba na ako nung Friday. babalik nalang ako sa Sunday ulit. saka para talaga ang araw na ito sa mga talagang deboto at mananampalataya. isa pa, tignan mo nga itsura ng katawan ko?? di ka ba naaawa? sa payat kong to tingin mo may chance ako sa paghawak sa lubid kahit katiting?
hahaha

again, happy Fiesta sa mga taga Quiapo.

God bless us all!


christiansantamaria


January 09, 2016 hospital

January 8, 2016

Million Years Ago

writer's block. indolence. indulgence.
it's as if i'm writing on the blank pages and reading nothing.

at one time there is a certain point when i found console in solitary.
when my serving was always full plate and the rose-tinted glass overflows.
when i let life decide for me, and then i decided messing mine.
when i get sick with my favorite playlist, bored of my favorite beer or  comfort food.
when even the closest connection feels too contain to breathe.

hence, the sudden hiatus gave peace.
but peace is expensive that i'll either buy or steal it.
my untimely demise is not yet served and life inevitably has to flow in circles.

has anyone notice the absence? i'll reserve a table for a few invited guests.
we can't catch up all the missing times but we can start a fresh one.

i miss writing..
i miss reading..
i miss the exchanges of comments in every post..
And most of all,

I miss it when life was a party to be thrown,
but that was a Million Years Ago.

(echos! uma Adele ang peg)
gamit na gamit ko na talaga 'tong kantang 'to pati sa title ng post ko ginamit ko 'to. haha

no, seriously, i miss everyone here. i hope i get to see the old friends (sana lang active pa din sila).
and hopefully meet new bloggers

anyways, enough for this comeback message. too late of the occasion but then, Happy New Year!

God bless us and may we continue to be a blessing to others.
keep the faith burning :)


christiansantamaria


January 08, 2016 hospital