August 9, 2012

para sa isang kaklase, kasama, kaibigan

August 7, 2012.

ito marahil ang pinakamalungkot na pangyayaring naganap sa aming magkakaibigan.
habang sinusulat ko ito ay nasa proseso pa din ako ng pagtanggap sa mga bagay-bagay at patuloy na nagdadalamhati ang aking kalooban...

---------------
habang halos ang karamihan sa atin ay nanatili sa mga bahay dala ng matinding ulan ng araw na 'yon, isang nakapangingilabot na balita ang aking nasaksihan sa tv tungkol sa landslide na naganap sa Litex-Fairview na kumitil ng mga buhay ng isang pamilya. ang Baylon Family.

source:http://www.rappler.com/nation/special-coverage/weather-alert/9985-landslide-in-fairview-kills-1,-buries-8

isa sa mga biktima ng nasabing pagguho, si JESSICA BAYLON ay isa sa aking mga barkada nung kami ay nasa kolehiyo pa. bagaman may kanya-kanya na kaming buhay ngayon, tulad ng isang barkada ay patuloy pa din ang aming ugnayan magkakaibigan kahit hindi na tulad nuong nag-aaral pa kami.
nakalulungkot ang pangyayaring ito para sa akin, sa aming mga kaibigan niya, higit lalo sa kanyang pamilya at mga naulila.
hindi namin inaasahan na sa ganitong paraan siya, sila, mawawala at sa ganitong kabilis na pangyayari.
higit na masakit tanggapin ay ang pagkawala kasabay niya ng kanyang tatlong anak (Castulo's) na nasama sa nasabing trahedya.

dahil naniniwala naman ako na may Diyos, iniisip ko na lamang na ang lahat ng mga bagay at pangyayari ay may dahilan. na ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ng tao, masaya man o masaklap ay sadyang kailangang pagdaanan...
sa kung anumang dahilan, Siya lamang ang nakaaalam. basta ang nakatitiyak ako, hindi Niya tayo pababayaan...

hanggang sa ngayon, hindi ko mawari kung anung nararamdaman ko sa pagkawala ni jek. alam kong malungkot ako, pero parang hindi pa din ganap na tanggap ko na wala na siya...
para bang kahit sa mga oras na ito, sa mga sandaling ito, para bang alam ko na kahit hindi kami nagkakausap ng mahigit isang buwan na, hindi nagkikita ng halos kalahating taon na, kung iteteks o tatawagan ko siya alam kong sasagot siya...
para bang pag nagcomment ako at binara-bara ko na naman siya sa mga status niya, alam kong sasagot siya...

marahil, sa pagdaan ng mga araw, unti-unti marerealized ko din na talaga ngang iniwan na niya kami.
wala ng sasagot sa mga teks at tawag, wala ng sasagot sa mga pambabara ko, wala na rin magkwekwento ng mga paulit-ulit na mga problema niya sa buhay na kung minsa'y kinayayamutan ko na...

minsan sa buhay ko, mamimiss ko ang lahat ng 'yon.
sa mga darating na araw, na magkikita-kita kami na mga kaibigan mo, minsan sa buhay namin mami'miss namin at paguusapan ang mga alaala nung magkakasama pa tayo...




mamimiss ka namin jek. mahal ka namin lahat ;(


para sayo 'tong kanta na 'to ;(
alam mo naman idol ko yang babaeng yan, diba?
lab yah!
RIP...











[christiansantamaria]


August 9, 2012, hospital

May 31, 2012

ang sarap maging bata

hindi ako nakakatiyak kung kailan ba ang eksaktong Children's Day dito sa Pilipinas. ang alam ko, iba-iba ang petsa nito depende na rin sa bawat bansa. hemingways, may kinalaman kasi sa mga bata o pagiging bata ang entry ko ngayon kaya naman nabanggit ko lang. hehehe

ooooooooooo O ooooooooooo

noong linggo ng hapon habang umuulan, tahimik kong pinanunuod ang mga batang sarap na sarap sa pagtatampisaw sa lakas ng ulan.
naisip ko bigla.. ang sarap maging bata.
sa umaga, gigising kang nakahain na ang almusal. papasok sa eskwela.
pagdating ng hapon nasa kalye ka na at naglalaro ng tumbang preso, patintero, piko o kaya naman 10-20 (yes, naglaro ako neto), mata-mataya at kung anu-ano pang wagas makahingal na mga laro.
aantayin mo nalang kung kailan ka tatawagin para kumain ng hapunan.
halos sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos ganun yata ang takbo ng buhay nung bata ako.
aral..  laro..  aral..  laro..
lahat ng kailangan ko nakahanda na. preparado na.
mula sa damit na isusuot hanggang sa pag-upo mo sa lamesa wala ka ng iintindihin kundi ang kumain nalang.
ni hindi mo na iisipin kung sino ang tokang maghuhugas ng pinggan.

ngunit sa kabila ng lahat ng kawalang muwang at pakialam na ito, anu nga ba ang tunay na esensya ng pagiging bata? simple lang ang sagot para sa akin.
ito ay ang pagiging malaya.
malaya dahil wala kang anumang iniisip na isyu at suliranin sa buhay.
na ang ilan lamang sa mga bagay na nagpapahirap lang sa iyo ay ang pagdedesisyon kung anung damit o sapatos ang susuotin at ipapabibili sa magulang mo.
o hindi naman kaya ay ang pagiisip ng paraan kung paano ka makakatakas sa tanghaling tapat upang makapaglaro kasama ng mga kaibigan mo dahil ayaw nyung matulog sa tanghali.
malaya dahil wala kang muwang. at ang walang muwang ay inosente.
at ang inosente at ligtas sa anumang pananagutan at mabibigat na responsibilidad.
malaya. sa pinakamababaw ngunit pinakamakatotohanag kahulugan..

sabihin pa, kaakibat ng lahat ng ito ay ang mga KARAPATANG PAMBATA (Children's Rights)  na pumoprotekta sa iyong kamusmusan. mga karapatan na nagbibigay sa iyo ng higit na kalayaan upang matamasa at maranasan ang mga bagay na minsan mo lamang makakamit dahil lahat naman ng tao ay dumarating sa pagtanda.
sa lahat ng mga karapatan na ito, dalawa dito ang pinakamahalaga para sa akin at hinding hindi dapat mawala o ipagkait. ito ay ang:


karapatan makapag-aral
(access to free schooling)
– sana dumating ang panahon ang lahat ng mga bata dito sa Pilipinas ay nakatitiyak na makakapagtapos ng kolehiyo. hindi lang basta makapagaral kundi makapag tapos. mataas ang literacy rating natin kumpara sa ibang karating bansa. subalit, iilan lamang ang nakakapagtapos ng kolehiyo dahil sa kahirapan ng buhay at syempre, hindi sapat ang badyet ng pamahalaan upang lubos na tustusan ang pangangailangan ng bawat bata sa mga pampublikong paaralan.



karapatang makapag laro
(right to play and recreation)
– sa tingin ko hindi ko na ito kailangan pang ipaliwanag. anu pang esensya ng pagiging musmos kung ipinagkait sa iyo ang karapatan na ito? ang maglaro sa gitna ng ulan, magpawis sa sikat ng araw, umakyat sa mga puno, at iba pa. hindi ako nakatitiyak kung lahat ng mga sinabi ko ay nangyayari pa kahit sa probinsya.
sana lang, sana talaga, may mga bata pa din na nagagawa ang lahat ng ito. sa panahon ngayon na cybergames at social networks na ang bagong sports ng mga kabataan, ilan pa kaya sa kanila ang naranasan ang totoong mga laro ng isang musmos?

isang beses lang tayo dadaan sa pagkabata. maaaring manatiling mga bata ang ating mga puso (wag naman sana pati isip) subalit, iba pa rin ang kasiyahan at kalayaan na minsan natin lahat naranasan nung tayo ay mga walang muwang pa at walang pakialam sa lahat ng bagay...


ikaw? namiss mo rin ba ang maging bata?



[christiansantamaria]


May 31, 2012 hospital

May 13, 2012

si mama

bago ang lahat ay nais ko munang batiin ang lahat ng mga ilaw ng tahanan.
sa lahat ng mga ina, dalagang ina, NaTay, mudra, ermats, mommy, nanay, at kung anu-ano pa. bagama't alam kong hindi lahat tayo ay pare-parehas ng karanasan, nararapat pa rin naten silang bigyan ng kaukulang respeto at pasasalamat.

at dahil Mother's Day, i specially dedicate this entry sa aking ina.
ma, sana mabasa mo ito. pero i know walang chance.
unless ipabasa ko sayo. hahaha
base sa page views, bukod sa Pilipinas karamihan ng readers ko ay english-speakers (Amerikano at Russo).
pero para mabilis maunawaan ni mama at maintindihan nya, heto't nag tagalog ako just in case mabasa niya. lol

hemingways, nais kong ipakilala sa inyo ang pinakamahalagang babae sa aking buhay, si mama.




masarap magluto si mama. bicolana siya kaya naman hindi na yun nakapagtataka. nung bata pa ako natatandaan ko, meron kaming canteen sa Taft Avenue sa Maynila. parokyano nya nuon ang dating sikat na Easter Telecom, PLDT at ilang mga college students na malapit sa pwesto namin.
wala akong narinig na nagsabing hindi nila nagustuhan ang luto ni mama.
sa katunayan, kapag may mga malaking handaan sa aming lugar, kadalasang kinukuha ang serbisyo niya upang magluto.
kaya naman kahit nung elementary palang ako, sa tuwing christmas party, lagi kong binibida si mama para magluto.

magaling din maghilot si mama. wala naman siyang formal training sa TESDA or kung saan man kaya’t hindi ko mawari kung paano niya natutunan ang manghilot.
at tulad ng pagkuha sa kanyang serbisyo sa pagluluto, kilala din si mama sa aming lugar bilang manghihilot. gamit lang ang efficascent oil, hinihilot nya ang mga may pilay, masasakit ang katawan at kung anu-ano pa. makaluma man kung tutuusin ang ”hilot”, may mga ilang Pilipino pa rin ang nakasanayan ang ganitong paraan. ang dinig ko sa mga nahilot niya, magaling daw maghilot si mama at gumagaling/gumagaan naman ang pakiramdam nila.
dahil dito natutuwa naman ako bagaman may ilang mga pagkakataon na nagtatalo kami dahil pakiramdam ko minsan binabarat na siya ng ibang mapagsamantala. saan ka naman nakakita na 50 pesos buong katawan ang pinahilot??
kamusta naman yun!
paa pa nga lang pinamassage ko sa spa, 300+ na.
hindi kasi nagprepresyo si mama. bahala na kung magkano ang ibigay sa kanya.

sa ngayon ay malapit na sa dapit-hapon ng kanyang buhay si mama. pinagkakaabalahan nalang niya ay ang kanyang mga apo sa aking ate. dalawa lang kasi kaming magkapatid at ako ang bunso. siya na halos ang tumututok sa pagaaral ng mga apo niya kaysa sa ate ko.
alam kong ’yon ay kaligayahan na niya.
na makita ang kanyang mga apo na makapagtapos ng pagaaral tulad nung pinalaki niya kami ni ate at pinagtapos ng pag-aaral. hindi nakapagtapos si mama ng elementary kaya’t lagi niyang sinasabi na yun lang daw ang kaya nyang ibigay sa mga apo niya dahil wala naman daw siyang pera na pwedeng ipamana kundi edukasyon.

mabuti nalang nga at hindi nya ako natatanung kung kailan ko siya mabibigyan ng apo. lol
hindi pa kasi alam ni mama na babae anak niya. hahaha
seriously, sa tingin ko hindi ko naman na kailangan aminin pa kay mama ang tungkol sekswalidad ko. alam ko sa sarile ko na alam naman na nyun, o kung hindi man, kahit papano may ideya siya.
25 years ko siyang kasama kaya heller wag siyang mag play dead! hahaha joke :)

"mama, maraming salamat sa lahat, at pasensya na sa mga pagkukulang ko bilang isang anak. marami na tayong pinagdaanan. i love you at sana ay manatili ka pa ng matagal sa tabi ko dahil kailngan pa kita... ng mga apo mo... at ng mga taong nagmamahal sayo... "


muli, happy mother's day po sa inyong mga nanay o kinikilalang nanay!


[christiansantamaria]


May 13, 2012 hospital

April 30, 2012

si Miriam, ang LGBT at ang Miss U... bow.

i know. this is really out-dated. a lot of things went out. when i first heard of this Miss Universe opening its door to trans women to join the pageant, i tried to veer from giving opinion since i know that the rules have been set already.
thus, whatever blah blah won’t affect the decision at all and besides, i knew that somehow, fellow trans in the LGBT considered this as a milestone victory.
it’ll be like a kill joy to sway against the current.
so i let the issue pass by just saying, “so they change the rules, ok”.

however, i was intrigued with some status on facebook and twitter about this said Miriam Quiambao attacks on LGBT.
am not a follower of the said beauty queen so i decided to browse some issues relating to this “war” that entrenched, if am not mistaken, on the issue of allowing trans women to join Miss U.

while i personally think that there should be no beauty pageants in the first place, in my humble opinion, transgender women should not be joining pageants that were categorically established for natural-born women. meaning, women by nature and who did not, in any way, underwent knife. woman, who can pro-create in a sense that can carry a child in her womb because she is, by nature, biologically capable of.
that being said, can somebody now quote me saying that trans women are fake women? am i being discriminatory? probably, probably not.
we may have equal rights in almost everything but there’s always limitation/s into things we ask for.
why don’t we call trans woman, a woman after undergoing an operation and securing the necessary papers for the legalization of her womanhood?
why do we still put “trans” as an identifier and still categorized her as transgender? why not just call her, a woman?
it is because, no matter what we do, we cannot in this lifetime, or in the coming one, argue that trans woman is totally equal with a woman. there is still a difference and we must accept that fact.

this whole thing about acceptance and equal rights i think, at the very least, already are granted and win to us way back.
although i must still say that some of us continually experience discrimination in many forms, these are totally way seriously different than just joining a woman's pageant. i hope i made a clear point on this. there are more serious issues out there that LGBT community needs to focus on.

hindi naman siguro sasama ang loob at bababa ang tingin sa sarili ng ating mga kafatid kung hindi sila makakasali sa Miss U o sa kahit anu pang beauty pageants ng mga kababaihan. kung tutuusin, meron naman tayong sariling mga beauty pageants na halos kapantay lang din ng Miss U ang recognition at popularidad.

honestly, am not just sure if LGBT has long been battling for transgender to be allowed to join in these beauty pageants.
if yes, then i consider it as faithful crusade.
if not, then why is it only this time that they’re pushing this issue so much?
because of the Jenna Taclova issue? oh well… it became a publicity crusade now.
to add more, if not allowing trans woman in natural-born women beauty pageants considered discrimination, is the LGBT willing to defend the rights of those women who fail short to meet the pre-determined qualifications of these beauty contests?
why not allow chubby, or short-legged, or in a relationship women to join these pageants too so as to fully eradicate discrimination amongst trans women and women?
we are arguing that the nature of being a woman is not only limited biologically.
why then don’t we argue first about the definition of beauty?
that’s why i noted my stance that personally, i believe there should be no beauty contests since a minute form of discrimination and subjectivism is always present.

as to Miriam Quiambao, here’s a sample link on the issue.



i feel for her in a sense that we have the same stance on Miss U's exclusiveness for natural-born women. all her tweets are nothing less than opinions, which i believe everyone’s entitled to.
i must admit that i have a few simple rebuts and questions to her to enlighten me about her tweets, but it’ll be useless to discuss it here furthermore since it’s impossible for her to reply on me and give a damn.
say whatever she has to say. after all, her words don’t represent the whole woman-ity.
i think it’ll be better to ignore her and not be so touchy at times.
the LGBT doesn’t need her i swear. she needs the LGBT rather…trust me.



[christiansantamaria]


April 30, 2012 hospital

April 19, 2012

a question of faith

i would like to foreword this by shortly giving the root of this entry.
i belong to this group/s in Facebook whereas we discuss a lot of topics, general or specific, of any fields and subjects. it so happened that some, if not all, members there are atheists. this group of people, i must say, is very intelligent and excels much in the field of logic, philosophy and reasoning.
no, it’s not what you’re thinking… honestly, i was just there to learn and widen my understanding on some things, and prolly to enlighten myself to things which appear absurd to me.

i have no problems with them personally, nor their being atheists or whatsoever.
in fact, some of them i have already categorized to my ‘on-line’ set of friends.
then and now, i have witnessed a lot of bloody discussions between atheists and theists and one thing i noticed is that it all boils down to FAITH
believe what you believe in, believe to your belief and hold on to it.
this, i personally agree. no context from, nor any religions could save/jeopardize you, but faith alone.

sometimes, i feel a prick of shame because never had i put my own personal stance, nor just help my fellow theists in defending our side.
i must admit that in 24 years of believing in God’s existence, i still lack the knowledge study-wise to enter a formal debate. all i have with me is experience that somehow, one way or another, a divine force out there in the universe have something to do with my, our, existence.

at the end of the day, it’s just between me and God (in case of existence), and not between me and men (in case of non-existence).

i decided to put my own personal stance here in my blog, that at the very least i know, no one will persecute me (since never did i persecute a non-believer) and because it’s my personal page and every one indeed is to each his own.

i carefully chose words not to stir up any violent reactions in case some non-believers would happen to come across this.



sa huli, ang lahat ng bagay ay babagsak sa dalawang kahihinatnan.
in the end, all things will fall into two possibilities.


sa araw ng aking kamatayan, kung totoong wala ngang Diyos,
walang kaso sa akin...walang epekto...
at the time of my death, if God doesn't actually exist,
there's no more worth to me... no effect at all...


maaaring manghinayang ako sa lahat ng mga pagod at sakripisyo ko
i might regret all the energies and sacrifices i have done


maaaring isipin kong sayang lamang ang lahat ng panahon at papuring ginugol ko
i might feel sorry for all the times and worships i have wasted


yun ay kung talagang marami akong sakripisyo at panahon na ginugol sa Kanya.
that is, if i really have lots of time and sacrifices offered to Him.


pero sa kaso ko, na isang makasalanan, nabibilang lamang ang lahat ng iyon.
but in my case, a sinner, those are just few and counted.


kaya naman pag nagkataong walang Diyos,
walang huhusga sa aking kamangmangan at kaululan dahil sa paniniwala ko sa pagkakaroon nito.
if there's no God, no One will  castigate me for my foolishness and hypocrisy believing in such existence.


higit sa lahat, walang huhusga sa aking mga kasalanan...
most of all, no One will judge me according to sins...



ngayon, kung totoong may Diyos, maluwag kong tatanggapin ang anumang kaparusahan sapagkat alam kong hindi ako naging mabuting tao.
however, if God does actually exists, i will wholeheartedly accept whatever punishment i deserve for i know i haven't been a good man.


sa tingin ko ay mas madali ko yung matatanggap kaysa
makadama ako ng labis-labis na kahihiyan sa sarili at sa Kanya,
dahil sa pagtatwa ko sa mismong lumikha sa akin.
it'll be easy for me to bear that feeling than to be in so much shame for myself denying my very Creator.



sa araw ng paghaharap namin, wala akong anumang pagsisisi at panghihinayang dulot ng aking mga pagdududa at labis na pagmamarunong...
when i get to face Him, i will not feel any regret and disappointment caused by my doubts and conceited intellect...


-christiansantamaria


April 19, 2012 hospital

April 12, 2012

somebody that you used to know

oh God. i so miss this page :(
i was lost for more than a month since my last post.
well, no special reason, glorious nor tragic, was responsible for my hiatus.
i just figuratively lost my writing facilities.
^
^
^ arte much. sasabihin lang tinatamad na naman eh. lol

i wonder how's everybody doing and if someone out there missed me. hehehe (kapal lang)
hindi ko na isa-isa ma'backtrack yung mga blogs na sinusundan ko. forgive me :(

hemingways, am back at doing things. hopefully i could drop and put some stuff here at least whenever there's something to speak and write of.

meanwhile, escape entry muna ako ulit using a music video.
mema lang...memapost. hahaha
but i actually do love this song and i know somebody out there neither :))
it has been resonating on my mind for quite a week now.
i just love the beat though and nice lyrics as well.

it's called SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW by Gotye.

hope you like ettt! :)) welcome back ulit saken. hehehe






[christiansantamaria]


April 12, 2012 hospital

March 8, 2012

babae po sila

kilala mo siya...
pantasya mo ang vital stats niya...
ang female crush mo nung highschool o nung college...
ang girlfriend mo...
ang gal bestfriend mo...
ang sis mo, o ang mudra mo...
siya yun...sila yun...
minsan masungit, moody, unreasonable, maarte...
ganun pa man, sa iba't-ibang paraan, mahalaga ang papel na ginampanan nila at patuloy na ginagampanan sa buhay naten at pati na rin sa kasaysayan...


maligayang pagbati sa mga ating mga kababaihan!
sa mga babaeng babae,
babaeng mukang lalake,
babaeng maton,
babaeng bakla,
babaeng gustong maging lalake,
binabae at pusong babae,
at lahat ng sangkababaihan!
cheers! :D




HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY !!!




[christiansantamaria]


March 08, 2012 hospital

March 5, 2012

living and loving in defiance

there's nothing wrong believing in fantasies and fairy tales. i for one dreamed that one way or another, could experience the "they lived happily ever after..."
but making it as a pattern on how our relationship should be is a different story.
this world can be harsh as to how reality can painfully bites.
i don't want to be a kill joy that portrays the antagonist here.
am just stating facts, maybe not in general, but still facts.



gay relationship doesn't always ends up in happy ending.
sooner or later, there's an inevitable force of nature that eventually ends it up.
just as how all the universe conspired in establishing what you have, they will eventually connive in breaking it no matter how dying are you saving it...

alpha and omega...
everything has an end, good or bad will soon perished.
planning goals and setting aspirations can keep the fire burning.
however, inasmuch as i want to believe that eternity can possibly be achieved in this kind of relationship, i do not want myself to be blinded by such high hopes.

yes, i may not be hopeless romantic lover. but then again, romanticism alone is no good as realism.
be emotionally romantic and carry a realistic perspective --- that's how i live with it.
i enjoy the interval between the two end-points. i live one day at a time, saving every moments that i have for i never know if tomorrow may not be mine.
when separation comes, i can face it with a less severe wound and frustration.
look back of all the good things that happened, charge to experience and move on with less, or no regrets at all.
at the end of the day, this life isn't for complaint...it's for satisfaction.


---------

"you reminded me of that first love 9 years ago....
the last time i saw a man cry in front of me in a tête-à-tête.
i cannot forget that first friday night when i saw you cry.
when at the very least, i saw some honesty from you.
when i saw your weakest point, a soft-spot not everyone can see.
when you showed yourself, less bare and more than naked..."




[christiansantamaria]




March 4, 2012 residence

set fire to the rain

oo alam ko matagal na 'to, ok?? haha
at hindi rin ako broken! hehehe
LSS lang ako at LAS na din (late appreciation syndrome).
wala naman siya talaga siyang significance sa buhay ko ngayon.
gusto ko lang talaga siyang kantahin...ng paulit-ulit-ulit hanggang magsawa na ko....




--------

i let it fall, my heart,
and as it fell you rose to claim it
it was dark and i was over
until you kissed my lips and you saved me

my hands, they're strong
but my knees were far too weak
to stand in your arms
without falling to your feet

but there's a side to you
that i never knew, never knew.
all the things you'd say
they were never true, never true,
and the games you play
you would always win, always win.

[chorus]
but i set fire to the rain,
watched it pour as i touched your face,
well, it burned while i cried
'cause i heard it screaming out your name, your name!

when i lay with you
i could stay there
close my eyes
feel you here forever
you and me together
nothing is better

'cause there's a side to you
that i never knew, never knew,
all the things you'd say,
they were never true, never true,
and the games you play
you would always win, always win.

[chorus]
but i set fire to the rain,
watched it pour as i touched your face,
well, it burned while i cried
'cause i heard it screaming out your name, your name!

i set fire to the rain
and i threw us into the flames
where it felt something die
'cause i knew that that was the last time, the last time!

sometimes i wake up by the door,
that heart you caught must be waiting for you
even now when we're already over
i can't help myself from looking for you.

[chorus]
i set fire to the rain,
watched it pour as i touched your face,
well, it burned while i cried
'cause i heard it screaming out your name, your name

i set fire to the rain,
and i threw us into the flames
where it felt something die
'cause i knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh, ohhhh!

oh noooo
let it burn
oh oh ohhhh
let it burn
oh oh ohhhh
let it burn
oh oh ohhhh



[christiansantamaria]


March 05, 2012 hospital

February 28, 2012

so what's with the mag?

awkie...so this was the fuss people were talking about?
a mag cover with GMA Kapuso Star, Bela Padilla in her pink swimsuit surrounded by dark models with the cover caption: STEPPING OUT OF THE SHADOWS


seriously dearest? is this such a big thing?
yeah, i know right.  racism, color-discrimination, and all those things so to speak.
but aren't we tired of getting in into these lame marketing/publicity tactics?
again and again, just like what i have written here before about Nora's appearance in a mag way back, the think-tank behind this magazine, those who conceptualized the cover were the ones responsible for this.
they should be crucified! CHOS!
they knew in the first place that this will catch massive attention.
and yes, again they win it.

but this time, am not actually sure what they're up to, unlike with the Superstar that they really needed to boost her homecoming and recuperate her "superstar" status.
the issue on racial and/or color discrimination has long been addressed.
this social stigma has, at the very least, already been resolved if not fully eradicated.
in fact, homosexuality, (the gay stigma) is more apparent since there're still in the LGBT groups who experienced, and continuously experiencing discrimination in many ways especially those with HIV.

but of course, am not in any way telling that we should condone this irresponsibility in publicity and advertisement.
we have to respect differences in view points and observe full respect at everybody's perception of what they think is offensive or not.
i really hate those people who will do everything for profit even at the expense of putting a sensitive issue on the verge.

on the lighter note, it's a good thing that the FHM-Philippines already apologized for the cover, and to Bela herself for getting involved with the controversy.
the latter too, has tweeted an apology.


"In our pursuit to come up with edgier covers, we will strive to be more sensitive next time"
FHM Philippines said.
 http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/lifestyle/02/27/12/fhm-apologizes-scraps-racist-cover


so there...so much for this one.


like honestly?

HOUSE BILL 5850 of Quezon City Rep. Castelo proposing a standard seating space in jeepneys is way more interesting than this! lol




[christiansantamaria]


February 28, 2012 hospital

opinionated lang daw

______________________________________________________________________________
mangyaring pakibasa po muna ang pulang link upang higit na maunawaan ang mga tauhan sa kwento...KUNG gusto lang po naman. hehehe. salamat.
______________________________________________________________________________


sa nakaraang entry ko lamang bago ang isang ’to, nabanggit kong lumabas ako kasama ang ilang kaibigan. bukod sa taguan at bistuhan na naganap sa pagitan namen tatlo nila H at L, napagusapan din namen ang love interest (palang) ni H dito sa manila, si C.
galing din sya sa social site kung saan kame nagkakila-kilala nina L at H.
ayon kay H, wala naman daw silang tampuhan ni C pero medyo matagal na daw silang hindi nakakapagusap dahil busy ang isa’t-isa. nagtanung lang sya ng mga kaganapan tungkol kay C.

at ako naman bilang generous na kabigan ay nagkwento ng lahat ng mga gusto nyang malaman at  nagbigay na rin ng opinyon tungkol sa kung anu ba ang sa tingin ko ay tama at nararapat nilang gawin dalawa.
hayys...napaka opinionated ko talaga minsan. lol
pero hindi lang naman yata ako eh. ang balita ko ;



well going back, hindi ko naman mawari kung anu ang nasabi ko na tila ba nagpalala pa yata ng sitwasyon dahil taliwas sa aking inasahan, lalong hindi nagusap ang dalawa dahil umiiwas na si H kay C na ikinabahala ng huli.

kaya naman kinabukasan matapos ang gabi ng sabadong 'yon...
C kay L: kamusta yung lakad nyu kagabi? kamusta si H? anu napagusapan nyu? may mag napagusapan ba kayo tungkol saken? pakiramdam ko kasi iniiwasan ako ni H.

at dahil wala naman kaming itinatago sa aming mga napagusapan...
binanggit ni L ang lahat ng aming pinagusapan.


makalipas ang ilang araw ay nagkausap na rin ang dalawa...
C kay H: kamusta na? kamusta pala yung lakad nyu last time? may mga nasabi ba sayo sina L at Christian? Pakiramdam ko kase iniiwasan mo ko eh.
H: ahh…wala naman...busy lang talaga.


hanggang sa kagabi…
C sa akin: Christian, busy ka ba? gusto ko lang sana ma vent out. medyo masama kase ang loob ko. i know you would totally understand.


---------
ang totoo nagulat ako. hahaha
hindi ko naman kase alam ang mga nabanggit na mga pangyayari sa taas at kagabi ko lamang nalaman kay C mismo ang palitan nila ng mga tawag na yan.
hindi ko alam na may ganung mga kaganapan na pala. hindi man lang ako na informed! lol
kung babalikan ang gabing 'yon, hindi ko alam kong dulas lang ba ng dila ang nangyari o nadala lang sa takbo ng usapan kaya naman may ilang mga bagay na nasabi kami (ni L) na siguro ay dapat makabubuting magmula nalang sa kanilang dalawa.

pakiramdam ko napangunahan namen sila sa mga bagay na dapat ay sa kanila nalang mismo manggaling at pagusapan.
mga bagay na sila nalang mismo ang mag’initiate.
kung minsan ganoon nga siguro talaga…
gaano man kalinis ang intensyon mo na tumulong sa mga kaibigan mo lalo na sa personal na bagay, may mga pagkakataon na dapat ay hinahayaan nalang na sila ang lumutas…
ang hirap talaga ng masyadong maraming alam sa buhay ng iba. dapat laging tatalima sa "less talk, less mistake"
well, alam ko naman yun.
kaya lang kase sa kaso ng dalawang yun, kailangan talaga nila ng intervention. lol
pero ayaw ko naman magkaroon ng nominasyon!



mali lang talaga siguro yung timing ko?!? hahaha

well, alam ko naman maaayos din ng dalawang ’yon sa tamang oras kung anuman ang nagaganap sa kanila...
at bagaman wala naman akong maisip na anumang bagay na nakasama sa aming paguusap, dahil sa sobrang guilty ko ay kinausap ko sila H at C.
sinabi naman nilang wala kaming kinalaman (o ang mga napagusapan namen nung gabing yun) sa kung anu man ang pinagdaraanan nila.

haysss...mabuti naman pala kung ganun. marahil ay may iba pang pangyayari na tanging sila lamang ang nakakaalam. wala naman daw pala kami talagang kinalaman.
ibig sabihin nagsayang lang pala ko ng espasyo dito. ang gulo ng buhay ng dalawang yun. hindi pa man din mag jowa eh. lol


nung tinanung ko ang isang best friend ko kung madaldal ako, ang sabi nya;
"HINDI NAMAN. PERO MINSAN NGA.......YOU HAVE A LOT TO SAY..."


hahahaha! so that makes me opinionated. lol



[christiansantamaria]


February 28, 2012 hospital

February 22, 2012

of sharing and secrets

me and my other two beloved friends from PH (a defunct LBGT site) went for a simple meet-up last Saturday night at Trinoma. it was a perfect time for me to unwind and relieve my stress due to the busy load lately.

but before anything else, here are the cast of this post:
L - this is Loki. i already mentioned him in my previous entry (the most read).
H - a medical technologist. his hometown is Zambales. he only goes to Manila on weekends because he is currently taking a review for a qualifying credential to a greener pasture.
E - a graduating college student.
and of course, yours truly.

ahh, yes. there were actually four of us. but the other one went home immediately soon as we have convened. lol
no seriously, E has a compromise event with his school friends. he just passed by to see us...sweet, isn't he? hehehe
and so the three musketeers spent the remaining evening. we decided to have dinner at Sbarro since L and H were trying to escape rice.
while choosing our menu, L and H noticed a package meal that says, GOOD FOR 4 HUNGRY PEOPLE.


aside from numerical inappropriateness, i think it's quite expensive for three persons, and way too much for them who actually been trying to drop weight.
but stomach is greater than will. giving in to the sight of delight, the two agreed to take it. first i thought they were kidding but their pleas made me realized that they're indeed serious.

so there we go and enjoyed the table feast. not alone my stomach was filled but my eyes as well.
i noticed this handsome (to me atleast) and tall crew, name Allan.
no, i didn't ask for it. i just saw the name in his uniform.
L was actually teasing and telling me to do some feelers like asking for this and that or whatever. hahahaha
but i never did any (swear).
gosh...am not actually good at hiding chills so the two were laughing at me. hahaha

we were having a funny mood until L knew that H has already resigned in his current job in zambales to give way to his review. for a few moment i was out of place. a snippet of their conversation gave me signals that the two have a secret or whatsoever they've been keeping privately.

L : nagresign ka na pala? hindi ko alam...panu yung anu, yung sinabi ko sayo?
H : ako ba kukuha sayo? panu ba kase gagawin? ako ba o ikaw nalang kukuha sayo?
L : hindi ko alam....(silent)
H: ohh sige na magdadala nalang ako ng gamit!

and then out of nowhere i laughed! hahaha
i knew it! i said to myself. but still, to confirm my suspicions, i asked them what the hell they were talking about. but the two kept silent. i asked H what is it and he just said that i better ask L.
and so i did. i asked a simple question answerable by yes or no.

ME : isang tanong lang...yung bang pinaguusapan nyu ay isang bagay na tanging si H lang ang makakagawa?

much to my surprise, L didn't answer and kept telling me that it was nothing and just forget it.

(in my mind) hahaha confirmed!
what do these guys are thinking?? am not that stupid not to get the bottomline.
i mean, we are all working in medical field my goodness (L being a nurse in a well-known hospital).
they're my colleagues! lol
besides, am i not trustworthy enough for them?? lol

seriously, i totally understand L for keeping that thing secret, even to me.
i admit that i felt a little bad because he didn't tell me what's going on with him, as if i don't care.
but i guess that's just it. there are some things which we really are not comfortable telling at anyone, even to our closest friends.
nonetheless, in any case that he'll soon get tested, whatever the results may be, won't change anything the way i see him.
it will not make me love him less of a friend...i just hope that he knows how much i love him and the friendship that we have.

anyways, going back, i didn't bring up the topic anymore.
after we eat, we went to the garden (as defined by L), the open area located at 4th floor near Starbucks.
i actually don't get the garden description because for me it's like more of an open stage. hahaha
there we continued our chitchat and let the time pass us by.
we separate ways in good and happy mood that was supposed to be the ultimate goal of the night...



[christiansantamaria]


February 22, 2012 hospital

February 13, 2012

pasensya

nakakain ka na ba nito?


hindi ko na maalala kung kelan ako huling nakatikim nito. ni hindi ko na nga matandaan kung anung lasa nito eh.
hindi man ito ang paboritong biscuit/cookies ko, pakiramdam ko busog na busog ang katawan ko dito.
anyways, wala naman yan kinalaman talaga sa post na ito.


-----
hindi ko talaga ugali ang magtanim ng galit o sama ng loob. kung may isang bagay na natutunan ko sa karanasan, ito ay ang paglimot sa mga bagay-bagay na nagdulot at patuloy na nagdudulot ng sakit at hinanakit.
sinimulan ko sa mga maliliit na bagay. kapag pakiramdam ko hindi na dapat pang palakihin at pwede ng palampasin, hinahayaan ko na...pinagpapasensyahan ko na...
nuong una hindi ito naging madali lalo na kung labis akong nasaktan o nagalit. pero kalaunan, pinilit ko itong isaisip at ginawa ko ng prinsipyo sa buhay.
na ang pagpapatawad ay isang bagay na hindi mu laman ginagawa para sa iba, kundi para na rin sa sarili mo mismo.

katulad ng lagi kong sinasabi, kapag nagpatawad ka, mas magaan sa pakiramdam, malinis ang konsensya mo at wala kang anumang iniisip.
higit sa lahat, pinalalaya mo ang sarili mo sa tanikala ng kahapon upang magpatuloy sa buhay at harapin ang bukas ng walang anumang dinadalang mabigat sa puso.
kapag galit o masama ang loob ko sa isang tao, hindi ko muna kinikibo o pinapansin.
yun ay dahil iniiwasan kong makapagbitaw ng anumang bagay na hindi maganda dala ng init ng ulo.
sabi nga nila, kapag galit ka, manahimik ka. dahil anumang salitang pakawalan mo ay hindi na maibabalik pa.
at kapag alam kong ayos na ako, ako mismo ang gumagawa ng paraan para makipag-usap.
ganito ako sa kahit na sino. ako man ang may kasalanan o hindi, ako talaga ang kadalasang nakikipag-usap dahil nga ayokong magdala ng galit o sama ng loob sa mahabang panahon.
tuya nga ng isang kabigan ko,
"ang bait mo talaga. yan naman ang gusto ko sayo eh. iba ka dyan...bilis mo mag move-on..."

hehehe
pero minsan, may mga pagkakataon na pakiramdam ko sinusubukan talaga ng iba ang pasensya ko. yun bang tipong porket alam nilang mabait(?) ka, aabusuhin ka nila...aasarin...paulit-ulit...parang nakakaloko...parang nakakagago...
siguro dahil alam nilang mapapatawad sila kapag nag sorry sila.
dun ko naiisip na minsan kapag pinalalampas ko ang mga maliliit na pagkakamali, kapag nagpatung-patong, nakakarindi rin pala.

kapag ganun pakiramdam ko wala akong ibang pagpipilian kundi ang huwag silang kausapin sa mahabang panahon.
pakiramdam ko mas ayos pang isipin nilang galit ako.
kase para sakin mas ok siguro yung ma'realized nila mismo sa sarili nila kung anung mali nila, kesa naman ako pa ang magpamuka nun sa kanila.
ewan ko kung tama yun...hindi ko alam.
basta ang alam ko lang, hindi ko man ugaling mantikis ng tao, minsan naiisip kong kailangan yun para matuto sila. para hindi nila maabuso ang anumang kabaitang pinakikita mo...




[christiansantamaria]


February 13, 2012 residence

toxic minutes

i was so busy with work these past few days. i had an additional load that's keeping my brain processing busy than the everyday office routine.
i've been included in a meeting of our company's top-level management held twice a week.
well, our admin had this service of an American business consultancy firm aiming for a better word-class service.
it has been going for quite a few months now, and only recently that i've been tasked to take the minutes of the meeting.
if you think taking notes in a business meeting is just so easy, it isn't always so.
you, of course, have to initially understand what is the meeting all about and its objectives.
and since only lately that i joined them, i am of course interested in understanding the core than just merely taking and writing down the throwing of words.
i am pretty sure secretaries out there can relate to my situation.
i wish we're using a




however, minutes recorder should still be supported by papers.
and even in courts, human notes is still the primordial basis that is legally accepted.
i asked my boss if there was nobody taking minutes during their previous meetings.
good thing he didn't get me wrong with my question.
well, he just told me that he's the one who recommended me for the job because he believes that i am the best point person for it since i am well verse in




so there...


[christiansantamaria]


February 11, 2012 residence 

February 2, 2012

para kay kuya mario

maliban sa pangalan niyang 'mario' na hindi ko nga alam kung tunay o alyas lang, wala na akong ibang alam tungkol sa kanya.
tambay kasi si mario sa aming lugar. bagaman madalas ko silang nakikita ng mga tulad nyang tambay na nagiinuman sa may kanto, hindi naman sila nanggugulo o sakit sa ulo ng barangay.
sa hinuha ko, nasa 28-29 ang gulang nya base sa pangangatawan.
dinaraanan ko ang kanto kung saan sila nakatambay kaya naman madalas ko siya/sila nakikita tuwing papasok ako o pauwi galing trabaho.
minsan, nabalitaan kong nasaksak daw si mario at malubha ang lagay sa ospital. kung bakit nasaksak ay hindi ko na matandaan. nakalimutan ko na kasi at isa pa ay wala naman akong pakielam.

hindi naman kase ako nalabas ng bahay. sa maniwala kayo o hindi, bagaman kilala ko na halos sa muka ang lahat ng tao sa lugar namen, wala akong kaibigan o nakakausap man lang ni isa. taong-bahay kase ako.
umaalis ako ng alas syete ng umaga at uuwi ng alas otso/nuebe ng gabi.
araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, yun ang sistema ko.
sa tuwing off naman, maghapon lang ako nagkukulong at nagpapahinga sa bahay maliban nalang kung may mag-aaya ng gala sa aking mga kaibigan.
ipinauubaya ko nalang sa butihin kong ina ang mahusay na pakikipag kapwa-tao sa aming lugar kaya naman kilala sya sa amin.

---
balik tayo kay mario...

wala akong anumang kaugnayan kay mario (totoo). hindi kami magkaibigan, ni magkakilala man lang. ang natatandaan ko lang, may ilang mga pagkakataon na nagkakatinginan kami.
kung bakit, aaminin kong ako kase ang unang tumitingin sa kanya. may itsura kase si mario kumpara sa ibang kapwa nya tambay sa lugar namin. ganunpaman, hindi naman nya ako inaway, kinompronta o tinanung man lang sa mga tinginang 'yon.
maliban sa pagtingin tingin ko sa kanya, hindi sumagi sa isip ko na pagpantasyahan siya.
ilang araw ang lumipas, nang minsan pauwi ako, nakita ko na naman silang nagiinuman sa kantong 'yon. kaya naman naisip ko na baka ayos na ang lagay nya at nalampasan nya ang insidente ng pananaksak sa kanya.

hanggang isang araw...

nabalitaan kong binawian na sya ng buhay. medyo nagulat ako pero hindi naman apektado.
ang sabi, binangungot daw. pero sa palagay ko, malamang ay naabuso nya lang ang katawan nya matapos ang operasyon nya nuong nasaksak sya.
marahil ay nagkaroon ng kumplikasyon ang halos gabi-gabing muli nilang paginom sa kalagayan nya.

kahapon...

nanaginip ako. pauwi daw ako galing trabaho at tulad ng nakagawian, dumaan ako sa may kanto. kitang-kita ko at malinaw sa panaginip ko na nakaupo si mario sa tambayan nila. sya lang at wala ang ibang kasama nya.
pag daan ko, katulad ng kung gaano sya kalinaw sa panaginip ko, nagsalita sya ng malinaw sa pandinig ko;

"hindi mu man lang ako sinilip..."

pagkatapos ng sinabi nyang yun ay nagising ako. hindi ako nanlalamig at wala akong naramdamang anuman takot sa katawan. pag tingin ko sa relo, alas sais pasado na ng umaga at kailangan ko ng mag gayak papasok sa trabaho. kwinento ko sa mama ko ang panaginip ko. nagulat sya at nagsabing;
"naku. totoo pa naman ang mga ganyan (pagdalaw sa panaginip). dumaan ka muna ngayon duon kasi ngayong araw ang libing nya..."

nabigla ako. tila ba sinadya ang lahat. ang pagdalaw nya sa panaginip ko ay tyempo sa oras ng paggising ng pagpasok ko at tila sinabihan nya ako na dumaan man lang muna sa kanya dahil ngayon na ang araw ng libing nya.
ilang araw din kasing nakaburol si mario sa lugar namen subalit di ko pinapansin sa kadahilanang wala naman nga akong kaugnayan sa kanya.
pero nakapagtatakang binisita nya ako sa aking panaginip. hindi talaga ako makapaniwala.
kaya't ng umagang 'yon mismo bago ako pumasok ay sinilip ko sya. tinignan ko ang kinalalagyan nya at nagsalita sa aking isip;
"ayan kuya mario, sinilip na kita ha? ingat ka san ka man naroon..."

ang paliwanag ng aking ina, marahil daw ay nais nyang kaibiganin ako, o gustong makipagkilala nuong sya ay nabubuhay pa. baka gustong tanungin kong saan ako nagtratrabaho o gusto ako makainuman.
isang paliwanag na tinanggap ko nalang dahil kung tutuusin, wala rin naman ako maisip na dahilan kung bakit sya nagpakita sa panaginip ko...


R.I.P mario.


[christiansantamaria]


February 02, 2012 hospital

February 1, 2012

a not so long employee

today marks my 2nd anniversary with my beloved company. past 2 years so quickly. i still can recall how desperate was i two years ago looking for a job.
desperate, you read it right. i had a hard time in job-seeking way back.
being a fresh graduate then, my credentials weren't sufficient enough to level with other co-applicants who are ex-OFWs, registered nurses, call center agents to name a few, who were products of prestigious universities.
and not to mention, a single vacancy has a dozen hopefuls.
how was that for competition huh?

a little self-confidence and a huge amount of heaven's will were my primary tools.
our time calls for practicality so there's no room to be picky with opportunities nowadays.
however of course, some would really wanted a job that would best fit and utilize their degree and credentials, and i am one of them.
so there. i tried my luck in job database sites and the rest is history.
now am working in the administration at a private tertiary university hospital somewhere in the metro.
our office, Quality Control, functions as a recommending body that review/implement hospital systems, policies and procedures to better serve quality healthcare to clients.

will always be thankful to my mother company who gave me the first opportunity and believed at my potentials despite the lack of experience then.
how can't i be grateful to a company who;
gave my first employee ID,
gave my first pay check,
registered me to housing and social securities,
gave my first bosses and co-workers who are all so kind,
gave me 'toxic' and 'award' (in gay lingo, sermon/nasabon),
and most of all, who gave me the experience of being an "employee"...


cheers!



[christiansantamaria]


February 01, 2012 hospital

January 30, 2012

MULI (The Affair)


sa wakas! makikita nyu na rin sya sa mga suking tindahan. 2 taon na ang nakararaan nung una kong nakita ang pelikulang 'to. nagustuhan ko ang tema ng kwento kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko na magtatago ako ng kopya nito nang sa gayon ay lagi ko itong mapanuod at maibahagi ko na rin sa mga kaibigan ko.
hindi ko naman inakala na aabutin ng ganito katagal ang paghihintay ko. kahit nuon pa ay tinitignan ko na rin kung meron nang piniratang kopya nito sa mga bangketa sa Quiapo...subalit bigo ako.
kaya naman nung nakita ko sa isang blog na aking sinusundan na may dvd copy na, agad akong bumili at baka ito ay limited stock lang.

marami na rin akong napanuod na mga local indie at pink films at ito ang isa sa mga pinakapaborito ko.
syempre, mananatiling klasiko pa rin ang Brokeback pero hindi maikakaila na nilampasan ng Muli ang aking ekspektasyon kaya't masasabi kong para sa akin ay ito ang pinakamaganda sa lahat ng mga gay indie films na ginawa sa kasalukuyan dito sa Pilipinas.

siguro, isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit gustung-gusto ko ang pelikulang 'to ay sa dahilang nakaka'relate ako hindi lamang sa kabaklaan ng kwento, kundi sa sitwasyon na rin ng mga pangunahing tauhan sa kwento.
ako ay produkto rin ng isang progresibong unibersidad kung saan ang aktibismo ay napakaimpluwensya na kahit ako ay hindi nakatakas mula rito.
sa madaling salita, naging kasapi rin ako ng isang politikal na organisasyon nuong kabataan ko sa kolehiyo.
nasa "black and white" at "diplomasya" na designasyon ang mga gawain ko nuon.
naranasan ko rin umibig at magmahal ng kapwa aktibista subalit sadyang wala akong lakas ng loob magtapat nuong mga panahon na 'yon sa kadahilang alam ko rin sa sarili ko na hindi pa ako ganung kadedikado sa pagkilos. higit sa lahat, alam kong burges pa rin ang pagkatao ko.

masaya sa loob ng kolektiba. marami kang makakasalamuha, makikilala at matututunan na kailan man ay hindi mu mababatid sa silid-aralan.
sa lungkot at saya ay nariyan ang mga kasama sa lahat ng oras at pagkakataon. hindi ko man naranasan mapabilang sa kapatiran/fraternity, para sa akin ay higit pa itong karanasan na hindi ko malilimutan.

teka masyado na kong lumalayo. hahaha
ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin dito talaga ay sana mapanuod nyu ang pelikula kase maganda sya. yun lang naman talaga. haha
ang dami ko pang sinabi nuh? lol


[christiansantamaria]


January 30, 2012 hospital

the body rush

it was around 6pm when my girl cousin went to our house. she was with her two other girlfriends. it was actually a planned visit to fulfill her promise (she prolly was forced) to treat me since it was my natal day last 14th, and it'll going to be hers this 31st.

so there we go. we had home videoke session and tried a couple of Boracay Rum. yes, just the four of us.
we both had the two flavors, Coconut and the Cappuccino.
i prefer cappuccino coz it tastes just like coffee with drops of rum in it.

amidst the enjoyment, my couz asked me if i know where Padis Point Avenida is. she said that she'll going to meet a crew there, who happens to be her fond textmate.
oh dear. she's nearly 35. i remember myself with her actuation when i was in my highschool days.
by the way, she is already a mother of two but was separated with her ex-husband for quite a long time now.
am not actually giving sense, but i understand her more or so. maybe she's looking for a new character that would make a new chapter in her love life.
love credits no age and time after all.

albeit tipsy because of the unjust turn of shots (i knew they're cheating), we went to Padis Point Avenida and arrived there around 11pm.


we ordered a bucket of SanMig Light and a platter of my favorite sisig.
their menu is cheap. i mean, the bar itself. that's why you can always see plenty of students there.
i've been to few Padis but it was my first time in Avenida-Recto. there's nothing extra special with the place until i went to male's room.
while i (we were) peeing, some guys started to massage our backs. hahaha!
it was actually surprisingly cool though.
later did i know after i pee that those are masseurs offering their service. if it's only a massage or beyond, i dunno because i haven't bite.
it's not that i don't like a massage or the masseur, i just don't have the luxury of freedom since i was with a girl's company. you know what i meant.

so we hit the dance floor like 5 times or more. there were instances that i danced alone.
it was a body rush. i can feel the friction from the body crammed at all angles. sweat all over my hair. but the feeling was so damned good.
it's been a while since i last conquered a dance floor.
and during those instances that i danced with my girls, we never failed a chance that someone approaches us and asks for their names.
mabenta ang aura ng mga ateng ko! lol
no wonder. they're with a diosa. joke! :D

we went home by 4am. twas an enjoyable treat after all.
by the way, the guy who was supposed to meet us didn't show up. he din't answer my couz texts or calls. we left there with sarcastic guesses and jokes why the hell the guy was nowhere to be found.
oh well...deep well...



[christiansantamaria]


January 30, 2012 hospital

January 19, 2012

censored surfing

































while some of us are busy with the drama at the Senate's impeachment trial on SCJ Corona, a friend from a social networking site shared a link of another Congress' drama, an international one, regarding this so called SOPA / PIPA in the United States. although this was actually my first time to hear about the bill, i am pretty sure that this isn't the first time that a similar bill about infringement / piracy / intellectual property among others, was discussed not only in the US, but also here in the Philippines.
there were several proposals in the Congress that tackle about movie and music industry piracy here in our country. those proposal, would possibly streamline the Intellectual Property Code of the Philippines (Copy Right Law) that is suitable to the digital modern world since the law doesn't have a clear-cut scope on digital rights.

going back, if you have read the context of the bill (i may not have interpret it correctly though), simply says that sites that engage on the facilitating, enabling, distribution of illegal / counterfeit materials will be blocked / ban or blacklisted. this of course will hit sites that employ in downloading / uploading / viewing of any materials from unauthorized sources that have been uploaded without any copyright consent. that could be the reason why the above article there sited youtube as an example.

it is no surprise that the US Movie and Television and Music Industry supports the bill. i cannot blame them. i mean, who else can? a huge amount of profit loses because of piracy and rampant unauthorized distribution and illegal copying of the original materials. even here in the Philippines, the first one to cry because of piracy is our Movie and Music (OPM) industry.
i will not be hypocrite on this part. i for one, enjoy the luxury of just waiting for the movie or the music to be available on downloading sites so that i can get them free. (ehem)

but of course, if there are supporters, expect the adversaries. googlefacebook, and twitter to name a few. even wikipedia opposes the bill. well, the issue of internet freedom and liberty was said to be the reason for opposing. and of course, business (as usual) will be affected.

(sigh) it will take a bloody debate and discussion to meet a consensus (hopefully) for this bill. i hope that IF and ONLY IF the bill passes the Senate, they should carefully and explicitly streamline every clause and statements thereof so as to clearly define the objectives of the bill.

on the issue of censorship, i always believe that NOBODY or NO ONE should be censored.
liberty, is something that should not be jeopardized in the crusade of cracking down something else.
fighting piracy shouldn't be at the expense of our freedom of access to information. let us be vigilant fighting for our rights.
on the other hand, we should also remind ourselves that we have our responsibilities in using and misusing those rights.
we may not be a good citizen at all times, but we can be responsible some times....



[christiansantamaria]


January 19, 2012 hospital

January 13, 2012

on my 25th existence

so it's my birthday...
much has to be said but i decided to list 25 random facts about myself.  (explain ko pa ba kung bakit 25???)
so let's start the counting...


1.  i am GAY.
-  halata ba?


2.  am not good in mathematics.
-  but like i always used to say,  "i love math, but math doesn't love me enough the way i do".


3.  i have less than 150 friends on facebook.  i know them all,  and majority of those are male.
-  hindi talaga ko naga'add ng di ko kilala o di ko man lang nakapalagayan ng loob kahit sa chat man lang.


4.  aside from profile picture album,  ALL albums that i have are for my eyes only.
-  sakim sa moments.  lol


5.  my weight isn't proportion with my age and height.
-  so that makes me a malnourished child?  hahaha


6.  have prevalent white hairs.
-  i strongly believe that those were testimonies of wisdom.  hahaha


7.  idolizes Mariah Carey.
-  yung voice....sana talaga saken nalang yun.


8.  thinks that sans the BayView park, MOA is a big boring place.
-  kapagod maglakad! kairita.  layu-layo yung mga gusto ko puntahan!  lol


9.  admit that has a high tolerance to alcohol, but ;
-  i didnt practice for this.  defensive??


10.  not a smoker.
-  tama na yung liver cancer lang...mas sosyal kesa sa TB.


11. definitely happy and contented with his life but sometimes wonders if he has a different one.
-  wala lang.  naisip ko lang minsan.  panu kaya kung naging santa o enkantada ko?


12.  if you think i am not flirty,  a LOT of my friends will argue with you!
-  but i think am just VERY friendly.


13.  loves to meet and chat with friends for lengthy hours.
-  never ever gets me bored :)


14.  certified LOOFAH!  ( patola in tagalog )
-  kapag type ko ang topic o isyu,  kahit ganu pa ka walang kwenta yan,  papatusin ko ng bongga.


15.  shoe size is a perfect fit 9.
-  pero ewan ko.  nung last na bumili ako ng sapatos,  10 na nag fit saken.  hmm...


16.  i do not eat mayo and ketchup.  do not even use vinegar as sawsawan.
-  hindi sa ayaw ko.  it's just that,  hindi ko lang nasubukang tikman pa  :p


17.  a sentimentalist.
-  yes,  i am emotionally weak which i find it not healthy sometimes.


18.  coffee jelly is the ONLY thing i indulge at StarBucks.
-  wala lang.  paborito ko eh.


19.  always being asked for a two-cents worth of friends.
-  which i really appreciated.


20.  money spender but definitely not a waster. 
- yung saktong makakasurvive lang ng until next cut off.  hahahaha joke!


21.  a mama's boy.
-  if only you knew how i used to act kapag di ko nakikita mama ko sa bahay.  lol


22.  has the ability to deceive the world....but as they say,  not at all times.
-  nakakakonsensya magtago at magsinungaling parati sa nararamdaman.


23.  spontaneous when kinikilig.
-  kaya sobrang obvious talaga.... hmp


24.  analytic and logic tends to slow when.....i dunno.
basta nalang nangyayari eh.
-  and when it does,  i tell you,  soooo slooowww.


25.  sabi ng karamihan kesyo mataray daw,  masungit,  maldita,  etc.  etc...
-  pero wag ka,  pag nag bigay yan sila ng comment sau sasabihin mabait??  minsan talaga naguguluhan ako sa kanila ee.


[christiansantamaria]

January 14, 2012, hospital

on the verge of forgetting

i have always believe that FORGIVING is something you render not only for the others,  but for your own good as well.
when you forgive,  you lessen the heavy luggage your heart carries and it cleanses your conscience.
thus,  helps a lot in the process of forgetting and moving towards a worry-free life.

i am no God not to forgive...
on the other hand,  i am no God to be omniscience.
i am just but quite confuse when someone is being apologetic and yet,  do not care to give the reasons for being so.
how can i bestow my forgiveness to someone when i do not even know where he's coming from?
i try to veer from the thinking that there are really these apologetic but insensitive people.
or,  is it just me that demands too much?
now i remember a line from some teledrama way back ;

" sorry?? yun lang masasabi mu? bakit ka nag so'sorry?..... "

yes,  i admit,  i was hurt.
and yes,  SORRY is something we say when we hurt someone,  intentionally or otherwise.
BUT sometimes,  the word itself isn't what we want...
the explanation that would enlighten the situation matters.
it will help a lot in moving on and keeping what we have right now,  stronger.
when you apologize for something,  you should mean it in its deepest sense.


[christiansantamaria]


January 13, 2012 hospital