January 20, 2010

kaasar yung SMART

Kamusta naman yung SMART. November last year pa nung ngdownload ako ng fulltrack music ni Mariah. Nabawasan yung load ko ng 50 pero hindi ko naman nakuha yung content dahil habang nasa downloading process, biglang nga failed. Syempre mega complain ako sa service nila. Follow up daw after 42 hours, and then 24 hours, and then stand-by for another 24 hours dahil on-going pa daw yung report-complain ko. Nun lang yata ako nagkaron ng serious complain sa service ng SMART for so many years of being loyalat disappionted talaga ko sa paulit-ulit nilang follow-ups. Tas hanggang sa hindi na sila matawagan sa hotline 888 kahit piso lang load mu. ampf!!

Dati naman kahit oltext lang gamit mu matatawagan mu yun eh. Feeling ko tuloy it's because of me. Kaya nila yun ginawa para hindi ko na sila makulit?!? hahaha!! jowk.
At dahil nga hindi ko na sila makontak, wala na kong nagawa kundi hayaan nalang yung reklamo ko. Actually hindi naman yung 50 pesos ang minamaktol ko eh (hahaha). Pangalawang beses na kayang nangyari yun. Nun una games naman dinownload ko, ganundin nangyari. Nabawasan ng load pero di naman pumasok pero that time hinayaan ko nalang. And I cannot afford to condone another inefficient service and most of all, kanta yun ni Mariah!! hindi ko yun hindi pwedeng makuha noh! hahaha!!

Ayun until kaninang umaga paggising ko may nareceived akong message na may free link how to get the song I used to download 2 months ago. Ngaun lang nila naaksyunan yung complain ko at pahirapan pa bago madownload yung content. ampf! grabe talaga.
Well, sabi nga nila better late than never. Pero hindi naman too much late na tipong hindi ko na feel yung kanta saka ko palang makukuha diba!?!

Aready Gone na ni Kelly Clarkson ang nasa FS multimedia Box ko. hahaha!!
As of the moment, yun ang favorite ko. hehehe



January 19, 2010 10:51pm

January 14, 2010

what you don't know, don't hurts you

Hindi rin pala maganda na lahat ng bagay dito sa mundo alam mo. kahit ikaw ang pinakamatalinong tao, I'm pretty sure you are still missing a lot of things. I guess it is better off that way. Sadyang may mga bagay talaga na mas mabuti nalang na hindi mo alam kesa naman mapagod lang utak mo sa kakaisip. Or worst case scene, hindi uatk kundi puso mo ang apektado. Masakit lang isipin na kung minsan yung mga bagay na sana hindi mo nalang nalaman eh mga kaibigan mo pa pala ang may kinalaman.

This isn't just a matter of being considerate towards the feeling of other people. Kung minsan, it's the relationship itself being compromised. Kung gaano katibay yung pinagsamahan nyo, yung pagpapahalaga nyo sa isa't-isa, and all that. Definitely, I am not ignoring the fact that yourself is the very first in reason. Syempre nga naman kung minsan, dumarating yung point na kailangan mong unahin ang sarile mo bago ang iba...bago ang kaibigan. And the mere fact that life goes on as time and distant changes the company you have established. But in the end, friendship matters.

Maybe the one of the reasons why Im so emo is that I always invest so much on friendship. I think it's not about being envied nor self-pity at all. Sabi nga nila diba kapag hindi mo naman kilala yung taong nakasakit sayo, ayus lang kahit wag mo ng pansinin. Pero iba kapag kaibigan ang nakapagpasama ng loob mo eh. You feel a bit betrayed. Still I cannot blame. I'll just take it as another good lesson of life in my 'friendship category'. hehehe.

Haist...parang ang dae ko ng sinabi. Malamng makabasa nito mawindang sa pagkonnect ng mga sentences. hahaha!!

Uhm...well, It's not easy to write when you do no wish to bare your feelings to someone who is close to you.

Bottomline? Title itself.



January 11-12, 2010 5:55pm

January 6, 2010

NOMO I

I started the year by going to Quiapo Church on first Friday like I used to do. I don’t wanna miss it since it’s not just like any other first Fridays. It’s also the first day of the year. I want to start the year right by humbly thanking God for all the blessings of 2009 and asking for my long-waited prayers. I already have a new year’s reso but I’ll just keep it to myself para walang sabit. Hahaha!!

And speaking of sabit, wala pa man din one week nagawa ko na naman ang aking long-been moral sin. Haist…forgive me Father.

Anyways, just forget it. This isn’t all about it. Wala yun kinalaman sa topic ko ngayon. Haha.

Uhm…I just want to count the number of times na magnonomo ako this year and write something about it specially if it’s a funny and memorable nomo. Hehe.

Like what had happened yesterday. First Sunday of the year and I went again to Quiapo with my sis and the kids. Oh well. I’m so happy I went there twice in less than a week. Hehe.

Alam ko ng magnonomo ako with some of my high school friends kasi sinabihan na nila ko the day before. Nag-invite kasi yung mga-asawang friend ko na parehas ko din classmate way back high school for a get together. Marami rin naman kameng uminom kaya hindi masyadong pressured sa sikmura. Haha!

We drank a half bottle of sake, and then the Bar, tas banlaw ng Redhorse. Hindi naman kame masyadong sabik sa alak?!? hahaha!!

Sabi ko nga marame naman kameng uminom eh (sos). Pero hindi yun yung bottomline. Kasi natatawa ko sa mga kasama ko na tipong iba-ibang eksena at drama nila sa buhay. Hahaha!!

Meron dumugo ang ilong (literally) kahit hindi naman kame nag-ienglish. Haha!!

Tinuya pa tuloy yun na props lang daw yun para makaiwas sa tagay. Haha.

At ito pa, pinuntahan pa kame ng moble ng pulis na nagroronda dahil masyado daw kameng maingay!?! Kumusta naman. As if naman subdiision ang rivera??

Sabagay, yung place kasi hindi sya loob ng bahay mismo eh. Bilyaran sya and at the same time nasa gilid pa sya ng daanan ng mga sasakyan. Tsaka gabi nga naman ngvivideooke pa kame to think na first day of work at school kinabukasan.

At meron ka pang kainuman na pagkakulit-kulit. Lakas ng tama. Hahaha!!

Prospect nadin sana pero…uhm…basta. Hehe. Haiy, that was an awesome nomo night! Hehe. So so funny. Masaya yung company that night. Sana lahat ng nomo evening ganun. Ahehe.

- January 5, 2010 12:20am

some lessons learned from 20'09

Here are some of the few thoughts I want to share looking back to some most remembered moments of my 2009. Hindi na ko nageffort ng date baka may makahalata ng kung anuman. Oke dokie.

  • We’re not getting any younger…(oh well)

  • Wag uminom ng sobra kung may klase pa kinabukasan. – Especially kung finals pa.

  • Wag magpadala sa kalasingan ng iba. Hindi naman nakakahawa ang kalasingan noh!

  • Easy lang. Wag magpahalatang problemado. (hehe) take the problems seriously but yourself lightly.

  • Walang permanente sa earth. Even climate changes.

  • Mahirap pag ikaw ang nakakaintindi. Ikaw ang mag-aadjust. (patience please)

  • Exciting din naman ang mga kaibigang pasaway. They excite the…problem itself!! (anu pang aasahan mu diba?? hehe)

  • If things can wait, ako pa kaya? (more patience please)

  • Nauubos din ang swerte. Tipirin mo ‘to for more important situations. Haha!!

  • Kung kaya ng iba, let them do their part. Especially kung wala ka naman talagang maitutulong. Hehe.

  • We lie for certain reasons. It is a necessary evil :p

  • Some friends go and some really gone. While some old ones return c:

  • Et malupet:

    “ kung para sayo, para sayo ”

    o eto pang isa:

    “ kung hindi ukol, hindi bubukol “

    (ilang ulit ko na bang narinig ang mga ‘to!?!)

  • Find an oulet. Lalo na pag stress ka or malungkot. It wll surely help.

  • When you’re down and lost, pray. Lift everything to Him and have faith.

January 2, 2010 04:48pm

January 4, 2010

what has been

2009 in all fairness is a very memorable year for me. This is the year of my college graduation, wherein last of every moment counts. Ito yung beses na nakasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko bilang mga kaklase at posibleng huling beses na makita ko pa ng personal ang ilan sa kanila. Syempre, ito yung huling beses na naging estudyante ako. Sayang nga lang hindi ako masyado nakapag blog way back school days or even after our grad dahil kelan lang naman ako naging ‘certified blogger’ hehehe.. Well anyways, the first quarter or the first half of the year became good and favorable to me. I just enjoyed those days when all’s well and smooth. Even though medyo nagkaron nga lang ako ng konting problema before graduation, I was very thankful that I managed to solve it through luck and a lot of prayers.

After our graduation, medyo unti-unti na kong inalat. Kahit pakiramdam ko ginawa ko na ang lahat ng makakaya ko kasabay ng maraming dasal, naging sunud-sunod parin ang kabiguan ko sa ilang mga bagay. Sabi nga ng isang kaibigan ko, siguro daw naubos o nasagad na yung swerte namen nun nasolved yung problema namen sa graduation. Yung kaibigan kong ‘yon halos pareho kame ng kinahinatnan. Parehas kameng nagka problema before graduation and at the same time, parehas din kameng di pa nakukuha yung TOR namen dahil parehas din kameng di pa nagpapasa ng BC until now. hahaha! Friends through thick and thick! haha. Mabuti pa yung ibang mga kakilala namen na hindi mo inaasahan eh sila pa yung maagang nakapagtrabaho. Pero nangyari na ang nangyari eh. It all happened and there’s nothing we can do to change what’s past.

But then again sabi ko nga, even though hindi masyadong naging maganda at favorable ang nakaraang 7 months, kahit papano I should be thankful with all the blessings we received during those times. Medyo nakakadisappoint nga lang at nakalulungkot isipin na sana mas masaya at plenty ang pasko namen ngayong taon kung may work lang ako. Hindi ko masasabi na pinakamalungkot na pasko ito para samen. Pero para sa akin lang, sa sarili ko, malungkot talaga ako. Masakit sakin na yung inaakala kong masayang pasko para samen ngayon taon eh hindi nangyari. Sobrang bigat sa puso. Wala naman akong anuman mahihiling this christmas kundi yung parati kong ipinagdarasal sa Diyos nuon pa. Sana magka work na ko at good health para sa family ko.

Good health para naman humaba pa ang buhay nila at bago man lang sila mawala ay mabigyan ko sila ng magandang buhay pag nagkatrabaho na ko. Sana naman sa pagpasok ng darating na bagong taon bagong pag-asa naman. Mag-iba naman sana ang ikot ng mundo. Sana swertehin naman ako in terms of career. Yun lang ang christmas at new year’s wish ko wala ng iba.

- December 21-24, 2009 9:07pm

I'LL BE MISSING

whenever I look the vastness sky
in the cold and dark unsleepy night
I keep myself thinking, holding tight
to thoughts and moments that seem to fly.
I hardly wish to go back in time
when everything seems careless but fine
or maybe atleast to slow it when
we were together way back then
sometimes I think why good things not last
and everything that’s fine comes to past
is it because that the earth don’t stop,
or is it the time that kills in snap?
whatever it is Im sure it has
reasons to tell only God can cast
I even don’t want to make it hard
or dwell myself to the things that’re gone
it’s just sometimes it feels bit so sad
when moments we shared were said and done.


- December 16, 2009 2:55pm

a sarcasm of a poor

iniisip ko kung ano ang pinakamagandang isulat na isyu or topic para sa unang editorial category ko. marami narin naman mga pangyayari ang dumaan at talagang worth to discuss by opinion. nandyan yung mga bagyong bumayo saten, pagkapanalo ni Pacman at Peñaflorida, isyu sa pagtakbo, pag-atras, at pagpapalit-palit ng partido ng ,mga kandidato, at yung pinaka huli at masasabing pinamasaklap na karahasang pulitikal kung saan nadamay ang mga taga-media at inosenteng sibilyan, ang Maguindanao Massacre. lahat naman ng mga nabanggit pwedeng pag-usapan. kaya lang kung lahat ng ‘yun isusulat ko, baka magmukha na talagang ‘editorial section’ ng dyaryo ‘tong blog ko. hehehe…

meanwhile, last monday nun nanunuod ako ng 24 oras, they had this segment called ‘byaheng totoo’ wherein each reporter will visit the 10 most poorest provinces of the country. kung tutuusin, it is just a typical reporting they used to do. kung di ako nagkakamali, makailang ulit narin naibalita ang tungkol sa kalagayan ng mga nabanggit na lugar. but unlike the previous reports which were more on statistical data, these are more symphatetic. each reporter carries with them a ‘notebook’ wherein they will interview a certain person, or a family, or a group of people in the respective area and will let them write down everything they want or wish they had to the ’succeeding president’ of the country. Iithink it’s a 2 or 3-minute segment.
a little statistical info, heart warming interview, and the hope that the next president will be able to fulfill what they have written in the notebook. hindi maikakaila na yung segment ay inclined sa 2010 election pero kung iisipin mo, it is really an eye opener to all of us and to the next president. how i hardly wish that every time the segment airs, presidentiables are watching. but in case they aren't, i hope that GMA7 will really make a way the next president will read the notebook.

sa twing napapanuod ko yun, i always feel bad but informed. madali kasi akong madala ng mga ganung eksena. kung yun ngang mga telenovela minsan nakakadala eh, yun pa kayang mga real-life social situations being voiced out. bawat araw, iba-ibang lugar with different focus to tackle with, like problema sa kalusugan, edukasyon, atbp.
kahapon, i couldn't help but react to what a father has said to the reporter when asked:
“kung may hihilingin po kayo sa gobyerno, ano ang hihilingin mo?”
and the father replied in his dialect:
(tagalog translated) “wala akong hihilingin. nakakahiya sa gobyerno”

can you imagine that?!? what he said shook me. this is the reason why i chose to write this topic. the reporter herself was shocked. siya pa ang nahiya sa gobyerno!?! what a slap!
sa itsura ng mamá, hindi mo masasabing nanunuya sya eh. for me it was just a mere statement...
an ignorant statement from a hopeless father. hindi ko masyado maalala pero i think he is a father of three or four. ang tumatak kasi sakin ay yung sinabi nya na hindi pa sila nakatitikim ng karne ng isda, baka o baboy o ni kanin ay hindi pa. sounds exaggerated pero anung malay naten na kung nakakakain man sila ng mga nabanggit, it’s just once in a blue moon. for long they just eat corns or maybe a sort of available veggies.

sa isang lipunang kalabisan ng maituturing ang humingi pa ng sapat sa kayang ibigay sayo, malamang iniisip nyang sagad na ang tulong ng gobyerno at wala na itong maibubuga pa kayat ganun nalang ang hiya nya!

hay…sa twing naaalala ko ang sinabi nung matanda, kung literal lang na nakapananakit ang salita, siguradong marami na ang nagkasugat. hindi lang ang mga nakaupo sa gobyerno kundi pati nadin sila, kame, tayong mga tao na nabubuhay ng maayos at marangal pero panay ang bugnot at reklamo sa buhay. hindi maitatago ang realidad na mas maraming tao ang naghihirap dito sa bansa. ‘naghihirap’ in the poorest sense of the word. at para naman sa pamahalaan, kelan kaya darating ang panahong ito naman ang mahihiya sa kanyang nasasakupan?


November 26-29, 2009 4:05pm

tHankfuL afteraLL

God’s truly forgiving and providing. In my time of unstability, I seldom feel the loneliness of forsaken but His way of telling me to hold on is truly wonderful. In the verge of our hopelessness, He always make a way to provide our lackness just perfectly in time. These moments are evidence that God’s not heeding my call.

Somehow, despite what has been, I know He has something to offer me one day that my time will come to shine. Maybe for now, I’ll just in with the flow, do my part, and let His plan works best for me. Truly, on matter how countless our shortcomings may be, He still loves and cares for us. And truly, our best provider.

- 9:2pm, November 16, 2009

Laying Lies

Parang ganito yung sinabi ng isang action cartoon character na napapanuod ko tuwing umaga:

“alam mo, matagal na kong nabubuhay sa kasinungalingan”

In all fairness, the statement doesn’t exacts me but I must admit that in some point, there were few issues in my life that I’ve been lying for so long up to now. But there don’t bother me because there were petty things (I guess). Hindi naman ‘to ganun kadrama o kabigat sa luob para pakaisipin ko pa or hindi ako matahimik habang nabubuhay. I bet if someone out there who doesnt even uttered a single lie with themselves. We have different reasons why people lie, depending upon the situation and the person’s personality itself.

Ako, nagsisinungaling ako sa dalawang dahilan. Una, kapag may isang bagay na hindi ko magawang aminin sa sarili ko kaya sa iba hindi ko rin magawang aminin. Lastly, kapag nasasaling ang ‘ego’ or pride ko. They said that it is better to keep silent rather than tell a lie pero alam mo yung pakiramdam na hindi naman sa lahat ng oras pwede kang manahimik o wag magexplain e. In terms of pride naman, lahat naman tayo may ego. Different levels nga lang and I guess I’m just a normal type.

Hindi ko nga alam if these things that Im talking about are worth lying for. Kasi sa totoo lang, it’s not only the reason why you lie that matters. To whom will you lie also matters and the fact that lies themselves have different intensity and purpose (like tellin white lies). Well I guess, hanggat wala akong natatapakan o nasasaktang mga tao sa paligid ko due to my lies, it’ll be just a matter within myself. But Im not saying lying’s good. Please, you know your morals.

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, sometimes, it’s easier to throw a lie rather than explaining yourself out when in fact you’re not really willing to. Because silent doesn’t work all the time.

November 15, 2009 7:37pm

ang NOMO, finally

Nearly 6 months. Its been a while since we had that night. As if it was never new. Same old nomo. Siguro umunlad lang kame ng konte in terms of pulutan? haha!

Nandun padin yung mga classic punchline na gasgas na pero pumapatok parin at syempre, tirahan sa mga taong pasensya na napag-uusapan lang. hehe..

Same old nomo na alam kong once in a while hahanap-hanapin ko at mamimiss ko. Ang totoo, hindi lang naman yung nomo talaga. It’s about being there when it happens—friendship presence. Sa konting oras na makakasama ko sila, na pinadadali pa ng ikot ng tagay, maiisip mong marami pa sanang mapag-uusapan pero kalaban mo yung oras at hilo na dala ng alak. Not being too emo, itong mga taong ‘to yung gusto ko sanang makasama hangga’t kaya ko pang uminnm sa pagtanda ko. Sila, tsaka yung iba pang mga tao na gusto ko sanang manatili sa buhay ko.

Sayang nga lang di kame kumpleto kagabi. Sana next time madagdagan naman. Pero ok nadin yun wala yung iba.

Pamatay na banat nga: ‘ang saya namen, wala ka!’

Reading between lines: ‘pero syempre mas masaya kung nandun ka!’

Yun un eh. haha! cheesey..

Yung mga ganung moment hindi ko yun makikita sa ibang bansa o sa distrito ng Makati o Ortigas. Yung happiness na alam kong sa kanila ko lang mararamdaman dahil hindi kayang ibigay ng career gaano ka man maging successful sa linya mo. Eh lalo naman siguro sa langit nuh. Beer nga daw wala dun eh, grandma pa kaya?? hahaha!

At feeling ko talaga langit ang tuloy ko diba!?!Kumusta naman.

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, friendship really valued and friends are worth. Keep them close as you can and stay for long. Aja!

- november 7, 2009 7:14pm

Let it aLL in

Sobrang sama ng loob ko ngayong gabing ‘to at sa tuwing napapaisip ako. Kaya hangga’t maaari, iniiwasan ko mag-isip ng kung anu-ano. Sa totoo lang, hindi madaling sumulat kapag masama loob mo. Magandang outlet din naman ang isulat ang nararamdaman mo pero mas mainam parin kung may masasabihan ka para napag-uusapan. Bukod dun, pwede rin umiyak paminsan-minsan.

May mga ilang bagay lang talagang nakasasama ng loob. Una, gusto kong patuloy na magtiwala pero unti-unting winawasak ng oras ang pag-asa ko. Hangga’t maari ayoko sanang sumama loob ko sa nangyayari dahil gusto kong paniwalain sarili ko na lahat ng bagay kaya nangyari dahil may dahilan.

But at the end of the day, pag mag-isa ko, naiisip ko na baka niloloko ko nalang sarili ko. Higit sa lahat, nanghihinayang ako sa panahon at oras na dumaraan kasabay ng mga pangakong hindi ko pa nagagawang tuparin.

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, I just feel so sad and upset. Pero ano bang magagawa ko but to let it all in. It is just so hard to see the benefit when you are in pain.

- november 5, 2009 10:22pm

panira si kuya

Wala lang. Sa totoo lang napakawalang kwenta ng topic na ‘to. Napaka korny pero susulat ko padin kasi natutuwa ko eh. hahaha!

Yung isang crush ko kasi na taga dito samen na super bihira ko makita dahil hindi naman kami actually magkabitbahay. Basta ang alam ko kalugar ko sya, yun na yun. Nung nagpalabas kasi ko ng aso namen kanina, nakita ko sya. Nakabisikleta sya, malamang pauwi na galing sa kung saan. Expected ko nang dadaan sya sa harap ko dahil yun talaga way nya. Nagulat ako dahil huminto sya sa harap ko! hahaha!

Yun na yun. Ang babaw diba?!! Kinilig ako dahil lang dun, oh diba kaasar?!? grr..

Meron kasi syang dalang bag na parang nabibigatan ata sya sa pagdala kaya inaayos nya. Ayun sakto paghinto nya sa harap ko. haha!

E kasi naman he’s just a meter or less from where I stood!

Gustong gusto ko ngang ako na mismo mag-ayos ng bag sa likod nya eh, tipong mag-offer na‘kuya, tulungan na kita pls?’

hahaha!

Kaya lang baka no need naman drama nya. haha!

Eww, anu ba ‘to?!? Sige ok na. Tama na ang ka-cheap-angahan kong ‘to. haha!

Sorry naman just can’t help it. Bihira ko kasi makita yun si kuya tsaka bihira kaya ko magka crush sa mga kolokoys lalo na dito sa lugar namen nuh? the heck..

Nakakatuwa lang kasi syempre crush mo yung tao eh. Imagine, few minutes before the day ends, matutulog ka nalang may ganung eksena pa. hehe..

Anyways, isang malaking crush lang naman yun. No big deal. Masyado ko lang talaga inexagge yung almost 15 seconds na paghinto nya sa harap ko dala ng kilig, katuwaan at kalandian narin. hahaha!

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, feeling ko tamang lande at babaw ako kanina?? hahaha!

Walang kwenta. LOL.

- november 3, 2009 11:52pm

WRITER IN OBLIVION


I regret the days that passed
the years that flown.
When inspirations come and cast
I let them blown.
I regret the days I did not write
the things my eyes have seen.
Tales and poems that could have been
I let them all passed my sight.
I regret the times I remember when,
I did not care to hold a pen.
To tell and write down what I can
before my fantasies come to end.
I regret to forgot, I really do,
a writer in me whose next to you
may not be so good but I always knew
I’m very much in love so dearly, too.

- october 31, 2009 6:40pm

this one's for you

Nakatutuwang isipin diba? Kung minsan dumadaan ka pa din sa panaginip ko kahit matagal na tayong di nagkikita. Oo nga’t na-miss kita paminsan-minsan pero wag mu naman isipin na parate kita iniisip nuh. I guess posible naman talaga yun lalo na’t naging significant part ka ng buhay ko. E, posible kayang may nararamdaman parin ako sayo kahit konti sa kabila ng tagal ng hindi natin pagkikita? Wala lang naitanung ko lang. Talaga bang nangyayare yun? Feeling ko kasi sa mga drama lang yun eh. Ni hindi ko na nga alam mga naganap sayo sa luob ng panahong nagkahiwa-hiwalay tayo eh.

Ako, katulad mo, marami narin nangyare. Marami narin akong nakilala, at aaminin kong nagustuhan ko ang ilan sa kanila. Pero alam ko naman kung san ako lulugar. Nagpapasalamat ako sa tapat at matalik na pakikitungo mo saken sa kabila na alam mo na higit paron ang nararamdaman ko. Ang kasiyahang nararamdaman mo na hindi ka iniiwasan mg taong mahal mo, feels both accepted and respected of what you feel. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali, kahit ata sa sulat hindi ko nasabi yung mga ganitong bagay. Alam mo naman na kahit sentimental ako, hindi ako generous sa pagsasabi ng nararamdaman. Kaya minsan pinagduduhang sinungaling.

In the long run, what’s the use of telling these things afterall?

Well, wala naman masama. I just want to voice it out. Kaya nga blog eh diba? It’s my own space and I didnt mess up yours. Hehehe, peace out.. Hindi ako umaasa sa kung anuman kaya hindi ka din dapat mag assume ng kung anuman. Gusto ko lang talaga sumulat. I could have done something poetic instead of this one, para hindi sana pansinin pero inisip ko baka imbes na maapreciate, macriticize pa e..ü

Anyways, going back to my question, nagtataka lang kasi ako. I am not sure of what I feel.

Alam mo ba, there were few chances na muntikan na tayong magkita somewhere? But whenever I see you, mixed emotions came. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba kitang lapitan, kumustahin or anything, but something inside told me not to. I don’t why.

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, maybe it’s a manifestation that there’s some feelings left. Love? I just can’t say exactly. Alam mo ba kahit sa panaginip, we still debate daw?!? (man, im serious).

But the feeling of being argued, feels so good just like the old times. Well, sana wrong signals lang nararamdaman ko. If ever, ako din magdadala nito for so long. Lalo na’t iba na ang sitwasyon ng lahat. Sabi ko nga kanina, hindi naman ako umaasa ng kung anuman kaya siguro, itatago ko nalang ang lahat sa sarili ko. At kung papalarin man magkita pa tayo kahit sa kabilang buhay, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na salirinin at hwag ng magsalita tungkol sa nararamdaman ko…not unless ikaw mismo ang magtatanung.

October 18, 2009

UNDERNEATH THE STARS

should i ever get myself surprise,
loving someone sometimes pays a price.
it’s a deal I have to compromise,
yet still I’m willing to sacrifice.
but what is the use of loving you
if you cannot give the feelings too?
and keeping this way I know wont do
anything good but sadder and blue.
but I guess Im still be thankful that,
I may not have been your lover but
I had the chance to love and beloved,
be your good friend afterall’s not bad.
sometimes I think will there ever be
a moment in time to make ‘us’, ‘we’?
but improbable that I must see,
it will never gon’be you and me.
to God I pray underneath the stars,
that even if I may have to start.
a chance to live without all the scars
I’ll still play my part in someone’s heart.

october 20, 2009 2am

naulit na naman

I want to share this blog to all my gay friends, female gays, at sa lahat ng mga taong marunong umintindi ng binabasa.

I dont get it actually. It felt awkward and strange knowing that it could possibly happen to me again at any given time, whenever im vulnerable. I dont know…it just happen out of certain situations. Nandyan lang sila sa paligid. Kasabay mu sa araw-araw na takbo ng buhay. Sa umpisa, hindi sila madaling matukoy. Malalaman mo nalang intensyon nila pag kumilos na sila ng kahina-hinala sayo.

I wasnt born yesterday!

Alam ko naman kung ano mga nangyayare sa paligid ko at alam kung may mga ganun klase ng tao talaga. This country is on longer conservative as before (oops, pardon me Church). In fact, most of us were already liberated when it comes to sex (ayan, binanggit ko na yung term). The liberated idea of sex applies to all, specially to homosexual relationship where it is partially, if not totally, accepted by the people.

Anyways, going back to my thing, hindi na ko naninibago dahil nga madalas naman mangyari yung mga ganitong pagkakataon saken. Wont believe it but it all started when I was still in highschool. Nandun yung, they will look at you intently in the eyes. You know something’s going on. And then suddenly they’ll look for a chance to sit beside you, talk a little then hands starting to crawl. Yung iba nga very diplomatic in insisting pa nga eh. It happens everywhere, anytime. Pag nakasakay ako sa jeep, sa bus, pag nanunuod ako mag-isa ng sine, at kahit nga minsan naglalakad lang ako kalsada.

Whenever I get caught in that situation, I dont yell or start a fight because if I do, it’s my shame afterall. I simply turn the conversation down and walk away.

duh?!? Ipokrito naman ako kung sasabihin kung ni minsan hindi ako tinalaban sa kanila noh. Kaya nga minsan napapaisip ako kung hanggang kelan ko kaya makakayang makaiwas.

To feed your curiousity, their ages varied from I guess 25-35 yrs, and their faces I could on longer recall if they were ugly or so-so because actually it’s not the thing that bothers me. Iniisip ko kung alam kaya nila na gay ako? or please dont tell me, napagkamalan nilang straight ako?

Hahahaha!

Seriously, maybe this is not a big issue specially sa mga taong sanay na sa ganung gawain lalo na dun sa mga kagaya ko ng karanasan pero kumagat sa ganitong sistema at inenjoy nalang ang lahat. Alam ko naman na basically, sex is a need. But dear, you cannot just find it elsewhere! Naku, siguradong magtataasan ng kilay ang mga kabaro dyan. To homosexual colleagues, sex is a casual topic and activity. Normal nilang pinag-uusapan kung sino na ‘booking’ nila kagabi o kung sino nakasked sa kanila mamaya, etc. Minsan yun ang di ko maintindihan sa iba talaga. Basta’t ginusto nila, wag lang sila makahanap ng konting tyempo at tamang timing, malingat ka lang ng konti, ayun naka ‘aura’ na agad.

Take note, these were educated gays pa minsan huh. Hindi naman sa nagmamalinis ako but I guess, hindi na yun ‘need’ tama? makati nalang siguro talaga. Well, yung iba lang naman, hindi ko naman nilalahat. But honestly, I dont feel any condemnation towards them. Ni hindi ako nakadarama ng kahit konting pandidiri sa mga gays na ganun (lalo na sa mga kaibigan ko), or even to those people I was mentioning earlier. Minsan nga naiisip ko, maarte lang ba talaga ko, pakipot, pa’virgin’ or anything like that?

Well, alam ko naman ang konsepto ng tama at mali but naturally, Im just being human. And it is human to make mistakes. I an not afraid that tempt will come again, because it always will. Alam ko naman na posibleng dumating yung pagkakataon na maging mahina ako at bumigay lalo na pag gwapo naman talaga.

(joke lang! walang mgrereak. Haha!)

Straightforward as they said, lalaki padin naman ako. I have nothing to lose in case I give in.

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, siguro natatakot lang ako na ma’hooked’ at tuluyang lamunin ng ganung klase ng gawain. Mahirap na kasing lumabas sa ganung sistema kung masyado kang mapusok at ipagwalang bahala ang mga posibleng kahantungan ng mga ginagawa mo. Isa pa, ayokong dumating yung punto na hindi nga ako nandidiri sa iba, sa sarili ko naman. . .

YOU'RE SO COLD

kelan pa ba yung huli? hindi ko na maalala kung kailan ako gumawa ng seryosong tula. sa tagal ko ng di nagsusulat, akala ko makakalimutan ko ng gumawa ng isa. isa pa, kinalimutan ko nadin yung poetry eh. highschool pa ata ko nung huling gawa ko na may saysay. anyways, sana maapreciate ng mga babasa. i dedicate this to Him since Sya naman ang pinaghugutan ko nito. next time nalang ako gagawa ng tagalog, kung kaya ko pa…

YOU’RE SO COLD
You’re so cold I been thinking why,
consistently as time goes by.
You’re so cold not to hear me cry,
in loneliness I almost die.
You’re so cold almost all I did,
unfortunately left unheed.
You’re so cold to the things I need,
in desperate I lost my lead.
You’re so cold to just watch my pain,
so so cold like the pouring rain.
You’re so cold I have lost my gain,
so lost I am I been insane.
You’re so cold I cant feel your love,
I beg You take away my sob.
And You’re so cold you make me sad,
oh please don’t be I need you bad.
You’re so cold and yet still I hold,
for i know something has to fold.
Yes You’re so cold but still I call,
because I always know at all,
You’ll never let me fall.


October 12, 2009. 1am

it could have been

A good old friend once told me that the saddest, if not the loneliest, expression is “it could have been”.

Alot of us may have gone thru a certain situation where we almost uttered this line. Most probably, it was a bad or a sad experience from the past that we wish the result to turn the other way around. Something that we always been longing and kept wondering what could have happened today if things “were or were’nt” in the past. I for one experienced the dilemma several times.

Times when I wished I could have done or said better and then start feeling sorry and regretful. But who am I to perfectly calculate events. It is true that certain things on earth are predictable but they all depend on the present situation. Sometimes even though we carefully managed and tried every possible way to make things good, the result often disappoints us. And that’s a very discouraging feeling.

Somehow I guess, it’s a less bitter knowing you did your best so regret is set aside. But what can we do now is to continue to go on with life no matter how sad the present situation is, due to unfavorable results from our past. Afterall, there could be a possible reason why things went that way.

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, I always believe that behind every event, when the result took place, is a reason to behold. I believe that there are no random acts…things are all connected…for a certain purpose.

through it aLL

minsan, sa dami ng mga taong dumarating sa buhay naten, di na naten napapansin yung mga nawawala. Siguro ganun talaga. Sabi nga nila, ‘walang permanenteng nagtatagal’. Pero kung tutuusin tayo ang nagdedecide kung sino ang mananatili sa buhay naten at sino yung mga dapat nang iwanan.

In spite of all, there’s always a certain reason why a certain thing takes place. Kahit ako nuon may dahilan kung bakit kailangan kong umiwas. Hindi ko lang masabi sa iba, dahil kahit ako sa sarili ko, hindi ko matanggap ang dahilan. Siguro masyado rin umiral ang pride ko dala ng immature thinking. Pero nagpapasalamat parin ako sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari nuon, eto ako ngayon. I became a better person with a better perspective in life. Mas malawak na pang-unawa ko. Ngayon kahit inaamin kong mapride parin ako, atleast maluwag na sakin tanggapin pag may mga pagkakamali ako. Isa pa, hindi rin ako ganun kalakas para magdala ng sama ng loob sa luob ng mahabang panahon.

Now, we’ve came to crossed paths. At alam komg hindi lang ito basta nagkataon. Madalas ko ng makita ng personal ang ilan sa kanila, kabilang pa ang isa sa pinakamalapit kong kaibigan nuon. Minsanan ko narin makapalitan ng messages ang iba. On specila occassions I never thought na makakasama ko pa sila. Kahit simpeng companionship nalang ang lahat, walang dudang masaya parin ako. Hindi na nauungkat ang nakaraan. Isa pa, may kanya-kanya na kaming buhay at marami narin ngabago.

What important is the chapter that has been opened in our lives once more. Sabi nga nila… ‘cherish your old friends for they are like wine. The older, the better and sweeter.

hi here

i am new in this site.
but since i want to share my blog and i really love to write and express my thoughts, i will just post my previous posts in my fs blog.
writing is my basic outlet and i should probably say an extension of my self.
i am hoping for a more fun and rich inspirations here.
God bless us all! happy new year, stay safe.